#I think the commenters are younger than me

[fawniette]

thinking about your older boyfriend who is just so nurturing and caring, wanting to take care of his controversially young girlfriend in every way possible. he spoils you rotten, giving you his card every time you want to go on shopping sprees or whenever you see something you just need to have. and he’s always more than happy to buy you it.

he’ll never let you open a door by yourself or pull out your own chair, being a gentleman as he guides you everywhere with his hand placed on your lower back or snaked around your waist where he can’t lose sight of you. he loves being the dominant one in your relationship, loving the fact you can let him take charge and all you have to do is sit there looking pretty.

he’s also the type who doesn’t shout, especially in arguments. he’s letting you get everything out your system as he looks at you with intent eyes, nodding his head while listening. then, when it’s his turn to speak, he’s explaining things in such a gentle and patient manner that it has any anger or hurt fading away, just appreciation that your boyfriend is so gentle with you and your feelings.

and when it comes to your pleasure, your boyfriend doesn’t fall short. he’s older, and comes with a set of experience that can intimidate you at times. but you can easily say he’s never left you disappointed, making your sex life beyond magical as he draws out pretty moans from your lips as the curve of his cock hits all the right places while he talks you through it.

he’s snapping his hips forward with deep grunts as your velvet walls flutter around his cock, kneading at the plush of your hips while paying attention to what draws out those high pitched moans or the way your back arches when his cock kisses that sweet spot of yours. at the same time, he’s muttering against your ear, “you’re taking me so well, baby. taking me like a good fuckin’ girl.”

his praises have you hiding your face as your pussy flutters around his cock once again, feeling that hot build up of pleasure in your stomach. and he’s chuckling before moving your hands away, “don’t hide from me, sweetheart. i wanna see that pretty when when i make you cum.”

his dirty words have you biting your bottom lip as your brows furrow, arching your back while trying to contain the needy moans that threaten to fall from your lips. he knows exactly what gets you off, smirking when his hips snap forward, his pace quickening until you feel a crash of tingling pleasure and your lips moaning out his name in pure ecstasy.

so, while you might be a lot younger with occasional side eyes and comments from people, you can confidently say that your older boyfriend treats you better than anyone else ever could. and he certainly makes you feel better than anyone else ever could, a lazy smirk on his face as he looks down at your heavy chest and flustered expression before leaning down and kissing your parted lips like he hadn’t just made you come completely undone beneath him.

[mustyrosewater]

𝖆𝖋𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖐

𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖐 𝖈𝖆𝖒𝖕𝖇𝖊𝖑𝖑 𝖝 𝖆𝖋𝖆𝖇!𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗

𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙: 14.7k

𝖘𝖞𝖓𝖔𝖕𝖘𝖎𝖘: you met your best friend julia in highschool two years before graduation, you kissed her older brother on halloween, logic says that four years later, you would completely forget about something like that, right?

𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘: mutual pining, a little bit of angst, mentions of a cheating boyfriend, drunk kisses, rated n for nasty, SMUT, cursing, cliche in the form of falling for your best friends older brother. also julia is a lesbian no i don’t take criticism.

𝖆𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖘 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊: hey gang, so, in an attempt to write something small before releasing another chapter of an ongoing series, somehow i managed to turn this into a 14k word slow burn, please enjoy and as always comment and reblog to show your support! it means the world to me! also massive thanks to @babybluebex for brainstorming all of this with me including being the one who came up with the idea that erik drove a 2005 ford taurus post graduation.

It hadn’t been something you expected when you became friends with Julia, being paired together for a project by your teacher in eleventh grade had seemed to be some sort of divine intervention.

Initially, you’d been apprehensive; Julia was hardly the type of person you would be drawn to, her blonde hair and tan being a more than enough difference to your own more alternative choice of dress and appearance, yet somehow, a friendship bloomed quite promptly.

She’d been so sweet, offering you gum while you sat together and cracking jokes that actually made you laugh, not at all the dense popular girl stereotype you’d unfairly constructed of her inside your own mind. Julia actually evidently loved hanging out with you, and you with her.

Where you’d first spent time with each other out of obligation, sitting together in the library to study together or inviting her around to your house to work on the project, it then turned into going to the mall together and sitting together at lunch so that she could bitch about her brothers and laugh about things with you.

The first you’d heard of her brothers was purely by mention when you were studying together in the public library after school, Julia’s phone had vibrated, and she opened it up only to chuckle and type something back.

“Who’s that?” you’d asked curiously, peering your head over with a smirk, initially thinking that maybe it was a boy, someone she’d been flirting back and forth with.

“Just my brothers.” she’d laughed, turning her phone around to reveal the photo that had seemingly been taken from the inside of a car, two males varying in age making silly faces at the camera as the older brother drove, the photo seemingly taken by the younger.

“Oh, i didn’t know you had any siblings.” you’d responded, nodding your head as you looked back at the photo.

“Yeah well, Erik already graduated, and Bobby’s three years younger than me.” Julia explained, shrugging her shoulders as she closed her laptop and began placing things in her bag, humming to herself.

“They’re actually on the way to get me now. Do you need a lift?” She’d offered, smiling across at you in that way that was always contagious, leaving you unable to stop your own smile from crawling across your features.

Mulling the offer over in your head, you bit your lip and tapped your pencil against the table, trying to decide whether or not you wanted to stay a bit longer. It was pretty late after all, just now starting to get dark outside, even if it was only about six thirty, even more of a marker that summer was starting to finish up.

“If that's okay?” you finally asked, starting to pack up your own things as Julia nodded brightly and excitedly, holding out her hand for you as soon as you stood, which you took in your own, swinging your interlocked hands together as you exited the library.

“You should sleep over!” she offered, seeming like she was excited by the idea as she gripped your hand tighter, only spurring on a laugh from you. “We can watch that stupid movie, fuck what was it called..�� she trailed off, placing a hand on her forehead as she tried to remember.

Snapping her fingers, she pointed a finger at you as her eyes brightened up, “After! The one that was like a fucked up Harry Styles fanfiction!”

Rolling your eyes, you groaned audibly and tilted your head back, looking back at her as she nodded in tandem with you shaking your head.

“Jesus christ, no, Julia.” you laughed through your words, still holding her hand as you stood by the entrance of the library and waited for your lift to arrive.

“I’ll sleepover, but we’re not watching that movie.”

Seemingly only excited that you said yes to the sleepover, Julia did what could only be described as a little happy dance, balancing her books in one hand as she held yours with her other.

“Oh my god, im so excited, i’ll get Erik to order us pizza.”

As if it were a speak of the devil type summoning, the sound of what could only be described as a tin man gargling nails began to sound out in the distance, your brows furrowing as you looked around the almost abandoned parking lot for the source of the sound.

Coming peeling around the corner, the silver car that looked to be a model that was over a decade old pulled into the parking lot of the library, its motor sounding like the depths of hell and the tires skidding slightly as the driver turned.

The sound of metal music blaring only got louder as the car got closer. You could see the passenger side window rolling down when it finally pulled up in front of you, Julia walking down the steps with a large grin as she waved.

You were hesitant as you stepped after her, part of you worried that this car could blow up any second based on the sound, much less hesitant to get inside based on the way her brother was driving.

“My friend’s coming over to stay.” she spoke matter-of-factly, opening the back door and leaning in to seemingly brush trash away, old cigarette packets and McDonald's bags.

When she shuffled her way into the backseat, you leaned in to finally catch a glance at these lucrative brothers, the youngest of whom in the front passenger seat couldn’t have been any older than fifteen, waved at you and grinned, looking like the nicest kid you’ve ever seen in your life.

The older brother, the one in the driver's seat with one hand resting on the steering wheel, only spared a glance at you as you got in, buckling your seat belt.

“Did you ask dad?” he spoke pointedly, looking at Julia through the rear-view mirror with his eyebrows raised, only for Julia to roll her own eyes and let out a long sigh.

“Dad doesn’t care.” she responded, her tone laced with an overwhelming sense of sass that for a moment you wondered if she even got along with her brother.

Just as you thought an argument was potentially going to start between the siblings, the eldest brother, Erik, shrugged his shoulders before putting the clutch into drive.

“Works for me.”

Before you even got the chance to open your mouth to thank him for giving you a ride, you were gripping the passenger door for dear life as he spun the steering wheel and turned the radio back up, peeling out of the library parking lot like he was drag racing.

When looking over at Julia, she only laughed at your nervous expression, evidently used to her brothers' more than lenient view on traffic laws and speeding limits.

Managing to make it to the Campbell family home without crashing, even if your legs felt wobbly getting out of the absolute death trap that was Erik’s 2005 ford taurus, you and Julia retired to her bedroom and began to settle in for a movie night, even if she’d gone ahead and put on that stupid after movie anyway.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t finding yourself even slightly pulled in by the awful plot and acting, turning into a hate watch as you sat on the bed with Julia.

“This is horrible.” she wheezed as you sat shoulder to shoulder, shovelling popcorn into your mouths together.

You shrugged your shoulders, tilting your head as a scene with the main male lead played on the screen, a horrid rendition of a Harry Styles knockoff, though the tattoos weren’t bad.

“He’s kinda hot.” you mused, unable to stop yourself from cracking up as you watched Julia’s face contort into a look of judgment and horror all at once.

“Ew! He literally looks like my brother!” she cried, holding her hand out at the screen for extra emphasis.

The sudden realization of the shared resemblance between the two men made you almost spit out your popcorn with laughter, leaning over the side of the bed to cough as you both laughed until your stomachs hurt.

This was always going to be the sign that you and Julia were going to be best friends for the rest of your lives, only with her did you ever laugh so hard that you got lightheaded or feel comfortable telling even your deepest thoughts.

The rest of that same year had been more than enough time for you to wedge your way into the Campbells’ lives, coming around almost every week, her parents loved you, always overjoyed when you came around to the point it was like you lived there half the time.

Dinner sat with the rest of her family, or barbecues out in the backyard when the weather was warm, there was so much effort on her and her family’s part to include you.

It made your heart soar.

So much of your time was spent by Julia’s side, whether it was playing video games with Bobby or the pair of you begging Erik for a lift to the mall, the pair of you putting all of your power to be annoying together to eventually get him to cave every time.

“Ok, Ok, if i take you to the mall, will you both shut the fuck up and leave me alone.” he’d groan from where he sat on his bed, the pair of you nodding excitedly from where you’d stuck your heads into his room.

Howard had seemed to recognise parts of himself in you, even if you didn’t say it, you both knew that the Campbells were the closest thing to family you had. With your mother’s tight work schedule, the only family member you had was barely home half of the time, leaving you to essentially need to function on your own.

The Campbells’ family home became your safe haven, to the point that the guest room started becoming your go-to bedroom when you came to sleep over. Your possessions and clothes were starting to be left in there to the point that it was hardly even a guest room anymore.

Within a year, you’d been accepted as an extra family member.

Even your eighteenth birthday had been spent with the Campbells, who’d gone to the trouble to get you a cake and prepare a little barbecue with some small decorations.

As much as they might have thought it was small, you hugged Julia behind closed doors and cried softly in her arms, so thankful to have her in your life to the point of tears.

Bobby and Erik had even gone to the trouble to get you a present, Bobby handing it to you sheepishly as Erik stood behind him with his hands in his pockets.

You hugged Bobby tightly and resisted the urge to pinch his cheeks, the now sixteen-year-old looking awfully proud of himself.

“Alright, come here..” you’d heard Erik say, laughing together as he pulled you into a one-armed side hug, his desire to put forward a nonchalant nature betraying him as soon as he’d seen your eyes start to fog up all over again.

While they might not have thought it was anything special, the little Claire’s necklace never left your neck from that day onwards, even when the chain started to rust, you just got a new one.

The little skull and crossbones were a pretty obvious nod to your alternative choice of wear, something that you and Julia always thought was funny, the stark difference between your two styles always being a point of conversation.

It only made sense that when Erik needed somebody to practise on when he started getting trained to be a body piercer by the tattoo shop in town, Julia had come to you.

“Fuck no.”

“Please! He just needs to do a nose, then they can upskill him, he only needs one person!”

Julia sat across from you in the food court, her arms outstretched towards you as he gripped your wrists and shook them softly.

“I’m not letting your brother come anywhere near me with a needle!” you argued, pulling your hands away from her, only for Julia to put her hands together in a motion that looked similar to either prayer or begging.

“Come onnnn! He won’t stop bugging me about it! If he can’t get his certificate, he’s gonna be miserable, and I’m the one that’s gonna have to deal with it.”

You sat and stared for a few moments, biting your lip, obviously a free nose piercing wasn’t something you would normally turn down, considering you wanted it for ages, but the idea of letting Erik do it only filled you with anxiety.

It would look pretty sweet, though.

Holding up a pointed index finger, you watched Julia’s expression light up with hope.

“You have to hold my hand.”

Your confirmation made Julia practically jump out of her seat, pulling you into a hug and rocking you back and forth as you tried to push her off.

“Thank you!” she cried out.

That was how you then found yourself lying back in the black leather chair in the tattoo studio Erik was currently apprenticing at, Julia sat by your side and gripping your hand tightly as Erik used a marker to put a little dot on your nose.

“Please don't kill me.” you whispered, only producing a chuckle out of him as he rolled his stool back to reach for the sterilized needle on his side table.

“I make no promises.” he spoke softly, only to receive a smack on the shoulder from Julia.

“Shut up, she’s already nervous.”

When he finally pushed the needle through, you shut your eyes and squeezed Julia’s hand so hard that you thought you might hurt her, trying to maintain a steadiness to your breathing as he put the jewelry through, a plain silver stud.

Maybe it was a good way to celebrate being eighteen, being able to sign off on your own piercing, just so happened that it was convenient timing to be around the same time Erik needed a guinea pig.

Rising from the leather seat slowly, as instructed, you could already see Julia smiling brightly as she leaned in to have a closer look.

“Look’s hot.” she mused, only resulting in you rolling your eyes.

“Shut up.” you chuckled, pushing her shoulder slightly so that you could pick up the mirror Erik was handing you, holding it up to your face and beholding the small silver stud that was now sticking through your nose.

You loved it, of course you did, and it was difficult to hide that, considering the massive grin coming across your face, turning your view to where Erik sat, satisfied with his work.

“Well, you’re not dead.” he stated with a smirk, tossing the used needle in a jar. “Guess that means I did a good job.”

Shaking your head, you pushed yourself off of the black leather chair and reached forward to take Julia’s hand in your own, grabbing your bag off her shoulder and swinging it over your own.

“Thank you, Erikkkk..” you mused, swinging Julia’s hand in your own as you headed for the exit, swinging the studio door open with a ring of the bell and walking out, laughing with Julia as you did.

-

Halloween was always something you’d loved as a child, fond memories of fake blood and jack o lanterns that still brought warmth to your heart even now.

Obviously the holiday and its activities seemed to take a sharp turn when you turned eighteen, the party you and Julia had been invited to promising to be a “rager.” or at least that’s what Julia had said.

Her bluetooth speaker had thrilled blasting out of it as the pair of you got ready together, finally looking at yourself in the floor length mirror, your mouth hanging open at the costume she’d convinced you buy.

“Julia, I can’t wear this.” you spoke, turning to look at where she was sitting on the floor applying mascara with her hand mirror, her head turning to look at you as she looked you over and shook her head.

“It’s perfect, I was right.”

Her words only brought a huff from you, the short skirt and fishnets seeming an odd match for the red hooded cape and corset, a crude version of a sexed up red riding hood.

As much as you wanted to pull it off of your body and opt for something else, maybe even something that was genuinely scary, you knew there was no arguing with Julia, especially when she had set her mind on something.

Apparently her mission for the night was to get you laid, at least that’s what it seemed based on what she’d picked for you.

You knew there was a girl that was going to be at the party that Julia had her eyes on, the pair of them having been exchanging flirty text messages for a few weeks now, so you were wholeheartedly supportive of that.

“Oh yeah, don’t forget to ask Erik if he’ll buy us some booze.” she mused, applying a coat of lip gloss and adjusting the sleeping beauty costume she’d changed into.

“I don’t understand why we can’t just drink the beer in the fridge downstairs, didn’t your dad say we were allowed to?”

Howard was an executive for a local brewery, and in turn, always had access to a stupid amount of beer, tucked away in a fridge downstairs that he’d given you both express permission to take from for the night, along with the promise of drinking responsibly.

“I’m not drinking beer all night, besides, Erik already agreed to drop us off, not that big of a deal for him to stop and get us a bottle of vodka or something.”

You didn’t realise you’d already had a lift organised, assuming that you’d either walk or get picked up by somebody else in attendance, but you weren’t complaining, the boots you were wearing with this outfit certainly weren’t made for walking.

“Can you go ask him, please? I have to finish doing my hair.” Julia mused, her eyes not turning away from the mirror as she plugged in her curling iron.

Rolling your eyes, you nodded, walking out of her bedroom and taking the eight steps down the hallway to bring yourself to Erik’s closed door, a sign reading “KEEP OUT.” greeting you.

Rapping your fist on the door, you heard shuffling for a few moments, footsteps getting closer before the door finally opened, Erik’s grumpy face awaiting you.

His expression shifted rather quickly when he saw your outfit, his brows furrowing and his lip curling in a look that read nothing but judgement.

“Seriously?” he breathed with a scoff, his response making you cross your arms and feel just a tad bit more self conscious.

“Julia made me wear it.”

Your reasoning seemed to leave him unconvinced as he leaned on the door frame.

“Yeah, well, it looks like it’s missing some fabric.” he spoke, reaching forward to pull softly at one of the sleeves, bringing it up to try and cover more of you. “You’re not gonna wear a jacket or anything?”

His voice held the slightest bit of concern, but you brushed it off with a sigh, tapping your foot impatiently against the hardwood floor.

“Can you buy us a bottle of vodka?” you asked, only for Erik’s brows to furrow just as the sound of Julia’s footsteps started to come in behind you.

“Pleeaasee!” she begged, a bottle of beer in each hand, one of which she promptly handed to you, which you took a tip of and curled your face up in a cringed expression, made sense why she didn’t wanna drink this all night.

“Dad gave you permission to drink from the fridge didn’t he? so why is it my problem?”

Julia let out a groan, hand reaching into her purse as she ruffled around and eventually pulled out a fifty dollar bill which she passed over your shoulder and held out to her brother.

“You can keep the change, just please, I can't drink this shit all night.”

As the pair of you stood in front of Erik, making a show of making puppy dog eyes at him, he seemed unconvinced until he took another look over at you, his expression changing just the slightest when he looked down at you, only to sigh and take the bill from his sisters hand, signalling that he agreed.

-

Pulling up to the house, you and Julia sat in the backseat of Erik’s car, multicoloured lights in the windows and music already blaring out.

Julia’s hand in your own, you opened the door and crawled out of the car, almost tripping over as you exited, only eliciting loud laughter from you and Julia, already a little bit tipsy off the vodka you’d both been taking turns sipping at.

Turning back to face the car, you both waved at Erik as you stumbled onto the sidewalk, leaning in each other.

“Thanks Erik, we love you!” Julia yelled, resting a hand on your shoulder.

“Alright, Just be careful! Ok?” he yelled out to the pair of you, taking one final look at you before he pulled away and drove away, leaving you and Julia to your party.

The night consisted of the usual shenanigans, jell-o shots and dancing to shitty music, far too many drunken selfies taken in your costumes as you and Julia celebrated your last Halloween as highschool students.

It was coming around to almost one in the morning when you were letting one of the guys from your science class suck on your neck, pushed against a wall outside and giggling to yourself as his hands gripped your hips.

It wasn’t anything special, just a drunken make out at a party as was the usual, letting out soft exhales and moans as you ran your fingers through his stubble.

Julia and you had been separated when she’d pulled you aside to tell you she was going to say hi to the girl she’d been texting with, also known as, i’m going to go make out in the bathroom with this girl, which you had no problem with.

Just as the boy from your science class hands began to wander, you heard your name being called out, your head turning to look in the direction of Julia drunkenly calling out for you.

Pushing him off of you, you laughed softly at his insulted look, putting a hand flat on his chest as you wished him a good night and walked away, going on the direction that Julia’s voice was coming from.

While it initially took a little bit searching, you eventually found where she was standing by the back door, your arms outstretching and a wide smile on your face when you spotted each other.

Grinning like a pair of idiots, you used each other as support as you walked back through the house, more than intent on heading home for night, knowing exactly who you would be calling to drive you.

As the pair of you sat on the sidewalk, now shivering in the october weather but not seeming to have a care in the world, you wheezed as you watched Julia struggling to get out her phone, paired with a sloppy attempt at tapping Erik’s name in the contacts.

Listening to the phone ring, Julia’s head found its place comfortably on your shoulder, the two of you swaying softly as you waited for her brother to pick up the phone.

You knew Erik wouldn’t have been asleep by now, he’d always been a night owl for as long as you’d known him, even now that he worked full time at the tattoo shop, so it was hardly surprising when he picked up relatively quickly, sounding wide awake.

“What is it?”

His annoyed voice only made you and Julia snicker, the state you were both in making everything seem hilarious, especially when it was coming from her older brother.

“Erikkkk…” Julia spoke in a little sing song voice, making you laugh even harder in a way that made you feel like you couldn’t even breathe properly.

“Come pick us up!” you continued for Julia, leaning towards the phone to make sure the receiver could pick up your voice. “It’s cold and we’re drunk!”

Initially you could hear an audibly annoyed sign coming from the phone, but it seemed Erik knew better than to try and say no, especially considering that he’d been explicitly told by Howard to pick the two of you up if you rang.

“I’ll be there in ten.” he spoke, “I swear to god if either of you vomit in my car, I’ll kill you.”

His warning was ignored, only a resounding cheer from you and Julia as you watched her try to hang up the phone sloppily.

“I can’t hang up, you do it.” she said through her laughter, handing the phone to you.

“Love you, Erik.” you slurred slightly, a giggle leaving your throat as you hung up the phone.

He said he’d be there in ten, but he made it in eight.

Helping Julia into the car first, when he turned to help you, his eyes drifted to your neck immediately, focusing in on the purple marks along your skin, seeming to visibly stiffen and take in a sharp breath when he saw them.

Too drunk to notice or care, you just let him help you into the car and laid your head against Julia’s shoulder, the pair of you smiling like idiots and occasionally giggling to yourselves as Erik drove you home silently, seeming slightly more ticked off than you would have expected.

When you finally arrived home, Julia had managed to get out of the car without too much of a struggle and make her way back inside, leaving Erik to help guide you up the path to the front door, his hand resting on your back.

As you tried your hardest to sneak back inside the house quietly even with your inebriated state, you expected Erik to find the sight of you this drunk to be more amusing, yet when you looked at him as you laughed, his face was stone cold, his eyes straight ahead.

It made the smile fall off of your face as you finally made it to the guest room, turning to look up at him as you stood in the doorway, grabbing his upper arm when he went to try turning and walking away without a word.

When you’d grabbed him, he turned, but he didn’t look at you, keeping his eyes trained in the ground as he stood there.

“What is it?” you asked, stepping closer and using the hand on his upper arm to try and rub his shoulder comfortingly. “I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have called you, we just didn’t wanna walk home and-“

“It’s not that.” he interrupted, finally looking down at you, his eyes once again going to the marks across your neck, clearly showing what he was annoyed about yet not saying a word.

Furrowing your brows, you were confused, he was clearly annoyed about something yet he wasn’t even willing to explain himself? that wasn’t your problem.

“If you’re not gonna tell me what’s wrong, then how am i supposed to fix it?”

Your hand reached up to grip his chin between your thumb and your index finger, forcing him to look at you, offering up a smile in the hopes of him actually explaining rather than just brooding.

He was twenty three now, his face had taken on just a little bit of stubble and he’d cut his hair a bit shorter from when you met him, now that he was working at the tattoo studio, he’d gotten his ears pierced, the thick rings hanging from his lobes.

When he’d mentioned wanting to get his septum pierced, you disagreed, but you had a feeling he was planning on doing it anyway.

You weren’t entirely sure why you did it, maybe it was the alcohol, or the leftover adrenaline from making out with a stranger, but you got on your tippy toes and put a hand on Erik’s cheek, capturing his lips in a kiss that had him letting out a small sound of shock.

Any second now, he was gonna push you away, let you down easily and let you live out the embarrassment of kissing your best friend's brother.

Until he didn’t, instead, Erik’s hands were immediately on your hips, pushing you into the guest room and pushing the door closed as he did.

His face was warm, his cheeks seeming to be burning up as you both held your eyes shut and let a sloppy make out begin to take place, just as you had been doing before, except as opposed to the boy from your science class, Erik seemed to know exactly what he was doing.

His hands squeezed your hips tightly, his tongue immediately pushing its way into your mouth without hesitation.

You felt like your nerves were on fire as he pushed you against the wall, holding you against it with a strength that only made you want more of him, desperately.

It had seemed that your hand guiding itself down his body before finally running your fingers along the hard tent in his jeans had only resulted in the harsh reality of the situation coming crashing back down on the pair of you.

Where you were, who you were currently kissing, as well as who you were.

Never before had you ever seen Erik pull away so quickly, taking a step back and looking at you, taking in the sight before him of you panting with swollen lips in your skimpy little halloween costume.

Shaking his head, he took another step away from you, a hand coming to wipe his face as he turned for the door.

He didn’t say anything when he left, opening the door and walking out, closing it behind him as you listened to his footsteps getting quieter and quieter as he walked away and back upstairs to his room.

As you stood there, it dawned on you that you had absolutely no clue why you’d done that, maybe you were just still too drunk to realise why kissing your best friends older brother was a really fucking bad idea.

Even more so, you had no idea why the rejection had stung as much as it had, tears beginning to prick at your eyes as you took in a shaky breath and started to rip off the costume that was now feeling more constricting than anything else.

He didn’t talk to you the next morning, wouldn’t even look at you when he walked into the kitchen for breakfast with the rest of the family, just grabbed a juice out of the fridge and went back to his room.

Your brain was swimming with the possibilities of what he must be thinking of you, who gets that drunk and kisses someone’s brother with no fear of the repercussions, did he think you were a slut?

For some reason, the thought that he felt that way about you just made you even more upset.

Life continued on after that halloween, you and Julia’s friendship stayed the same, and eventually both you and Erik just continued on as you always had, electing to both ignore the kiss as if it had never happened.

You never spoke about it, and seemingly had no intention to.

Julia started at college, you didn’t, but even as Julia’s free time dwindled, you were still around at the Campbell’s house fairly often, even if it wasn’t for sleepovers anymore.

As often as her schedule would let you, you and Julia still spent time together as often as possible, oftentimes meeting her on campus to have lunch together, or even just to sit with her while she studied in the library, even if it meant sitting on your phone in silence.

Initially, the closest you and Erik ever got to addressing what happened was an awkward smile when the two of you crossed paths in the house, but eventually, things returned to the way they were, a comfortable friendship was reestablished between the two of you, which allowed for matches of Mortal Kombat to become a common past time while you waited for Julia to finish classes for the day, or even messaging him to ask for a lift when he finished work when you were going to visit Julia at the house.

You even let him pierce you a few more times, unable to hide your expression when you’d walked into the shop, only to see he’d gone ahead and gotten his septum pierced.

“I thought I was gonna hate it.” you mused as he got his supplies ready, marking up the other end of your nose to prepare you for getting your other nostril done.

“Does that mean you like it?” he asked with a laugh, the two of you now more than used to this routine to just talk casually while he lined up the needle.

“No I- jesus, ow. No, I don’t.”

You tried not to scrunch your nose as he pushed the jewellery in, holding the mirror up to look at the two perfectly lined up matching studs now sitting on your nose.

“Too bad, it’s not going anywhere.” he shrugged his shoulders, rolling away in his chair and taking off the black latex gloves he’d been wearing.

“I thought you thrived off my approval.” you spoke sarcastically, tilting your head as you stood, swinging your bag over your shoulder.

“Oh I do, I just don’t care.”

His response incited a laugh from you, rolling your eyes as you reached for your purse, opening it and beginning to rifle through the bills sitting inside.

“Don’t worry about it.” Erik spoke, waving his hand at you as he began to clean off the chair and prepare for the next client.

“Erik, I can’t not pay you, won’t you get in the shit with your boss?”

Struggling his shoulders, he continued laying out his tattoo supplies, wrapping the gun as he spoke.

“Call it an early birthday present.”

Part of you was touched that he remembered your birthday was coming up soon, but considering that Julia had probably already been talking about it, you suddenly weren’t surprised.

Letting out a stubborn sigh, you just shook your head and put your purse back in your bag, turning to walk out.

“Thaaaanks Erik.”

Ever since he’d given you your first piercing, it just became the norm to always give him the same thank you in the same sing-song tone.

You weren’t teenagers anymore, hell, Erik was turning twenty six in may, but even now, so many years later, neither of you wanted to address the unspoken ‘thing’ you two had, whatever you could call it.

Sometimes you could have sworn Julia knew, she always was more observant than she let on, and there was only so many times the glances shared between you and Erik were going to go left unnoticed.

You couldn’t pretend you hadn’t noticed the look he’d given you when he pierced your tongue for your twenty-first birthday, or how hard he’d gripped his coffee mug when he watched you cry to Julia over your boyfriend cheating on you.

It was pathetic really, to be crying in your best friends arms over a relationship that hadn’t even lasted a full year, but when you’d found the pictures on his phone of other girls, and the messages he’d been exchanging, it still wrecked you to what felt like the point of no return.

Julia seemed to save the i told you so’s and just let you cry it out in her arms in her bedroom, as much as she’d always hated your boyfriend, especially the way he treated you, she understood that right now you were in pain.

You weren’t concerned about Erik standing in the doorway, if anything, it was nice to have two people to vent to, especially when it was him who came and picked you up with Julia when you’d called her in tears.

“I found the photo’s on his fucking phone.” you sniffled, wiping your red and puffy eyes with you sleeves as Julia rubbed your back. “He’s been fucking other girls since we got together.”

Your voice broke as you finished your sentence, seeing Julia shaking her head out of the corner of your eye, Erik muttering something to himself that you couldn’t quite hear, but enough to understand he was pissed on your behalf.

“What a lowlife.” you heard Erik scoff, his comment bringing a soft laugh out of you surprisingly, nodding your head in agreement as you sniffled.

“I wish I was gay so that we could just be girlfriends.” you laughed through your tears, inciting a laugh out of Julia.

She held you in your arms and let you cry it out for the rest of that night, and even though Erik went back to his room, you could tell what had happened had upset him.

You’d gone to his room and knocked on the door later that night when you finally started to calm down, leaning in the door frame and offering a soft smile, as exhausted as you were.

“Thank you for coming to get me today.” you started when he looked up from his book, picking at your sleeve as you stood in his doorway.

“Of course,” he started, sitting up and putting his book to the side “Didn’t really want you spending another second at that assholes place.” he shrugged his shoulders, resting his elbows on his knees.

Nodding your head, you sniffled slightly and rubbed at your eye, willing any other tears away when Erik stood up from his bed.

“Hey, hey.” he said softly, his hands coming to rest on your shoulders, “Please don’t cry, especially not over someone like him. I hate seeing you cry.”

You let Erik pull you into his arms, not quite crying, but still shaking and shutting your eyes tightly.

“I just don’t know what I did wrong.” you whispered, Erik resting his chin on the top of your head as he rocked you softly.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” he reassured you, simple yet effective, enough to have you nodding your head as he held you.

That was just over a year and a half ago, but it was still fresh in your mind.

As much as it was likely that the Campbell’s had something planned for your birthday, you decided you could find some comfort in your own company a few days before your birthday, maybe that was why you’d ended up in the bar in town, a cocktail nursed between your fingers as you watched a live band performing.

The bar was known for a more alternative crowd, fitting the bill for you anyway, and with the addition of live music for the night, it was a nice way to spend your free time.

It was reasonably packed for the show, taking you at least five minutes just to travel from one end to the other after getting your drink, needing to weave through people before you’d ended up in your comfortable little corner by one of the pillars.

When you’d been approached by the stranger, a smirk on his face and a confidence that you initially found off putting, his not very subtle flirting and willingness to playfully persevere despite your cold response, eventually he went from annoying to endearing.

You talked about all the basic topics, music, movies, anything really; he was very clearly just biding his time until you agreed to let him stick his tongue down your throat, which lucky for him, you eventually caved and let him.

What was a little pre birthday make out with a stranger after all.

He had you with your back against the pillar as he kissed you softly, a smile present on both of your lips as his hands found their way to your hips and yours became tangled in his hair.

It was really only by chance that your eyes had begun to scan the bar when he started to kiss along your jawline, your head turning to allow him access and your eyes opening lazily.

Fuck. Oh fuck.

There he was, leaning against the bar, a beer having been long forgotten in his hand, presently staring absolute daggers at the pair of you.

Erik’s glare wasn’t necessarily focused on you as it was on the guy that was presently all over you.

You were so sick of this, so tired of pretending that you never stopped thinking about the kiss you’d shared so many years ago on halloween, sick of the way he looked at you and just let the two of you pretend that there was nothing there purely just because he was your best friend's brother.

The eye contact you made with him was pointed, your mouth falling open in a gasp as a particularly sweet spot in between your neck and your jaw was caught between the strangers lips, yet you kept your eyes on Erik, who looked straight back at you.

Even from the distance, you could see him gripping his beer bottle just a little tighter, like he knew exactly what you were doing.

There wasn’t any room to pretend, you even let a few little soft moans leave you as you shut your eyes again, turning back to face the stranger again and kiss him in a way that was entirely just for show, hoping to incite some sort of jealous rage within Erik, so that might stop pretending and actually just take the plunge.

So many years spent pretending like you hadn’t developed something for him that extended beyond the reaches of just being friends, the tears you’d cried after he left the room on halloween, the way that you’d closed your eyes and wished it was him when your first real boyfriend took your virginity.

And yet, just as you’d feared, he did nothing.

Pushing the stranger off of you, you felt a pang in your heart, refusing to even speak a word in response to his questioning as to why you’d stopped, even when he’d called you a “fuckin’ tease.” as you walked away, pushing your way through the crowd and headed for the door.

The night air was cold, tears pricked at your eyes but you ignored them, only pulled your jacket closer to your body and began taking steps away from the bar and onto the sidewalk.

You didn’t even want to believe that you were hearing the sound of the bar door opening, your name being called and accompanied by fast footsteps; it wasn’t until a hand grabbed your shoulder and you were forced to turn and look at the perpetrator that you were face to face with those same icy blue eyes looking down at you.

“What the fuck was that?” he asked, his tone accusatory as if he didn’t know exactly what was happening back there in the bar, the way you were begging for him in every single way other than verbally.

“I’m tired of doing this, Erik.” you spoke, running a hand over your face as the two of you stood there in the cold.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

“You know exactly what i’m talking about.” you started, “are we just going to dance around this forever? pretend like it doesn’t exist? pretend that whenever i hear about you having some new little girlfriend for the week that i don’t die a little bit inside?”

By the way his face began to shift, you knew that he was well aware of what you meant, seemingly unable to find the words to say as he opened his mouth to speak, only for nothing to come out.

“We can’t.” was all he said when he finally spoke, his eyes remaining trained on you, hands staying stuck at his sides.

Your face contorted, a deep sigh leaving your lips as you shook your head, trying so hard to fight the way that your bottom lip was starting to wobble.

“We could.” you countered, bringing your hands to your pockets. “But you’re just a coward.”

You knew you didn’t mean that, but the pain in your chest was bringing fourth emotion that you’d had no way of getting out until now, so many things you’d wanted to say but never got the chance to.

Part of you wanted him to chase you, run after you calling your name like in the movies, but he didn’t, he just let you walk away, like he always did.

You’d regretted what you said as soon as you turned and walked away, feeling yourself already starting to sob quietly to yourself, wiping the tears from your eyes with your sleeve.

After that night, you hadn’t been round to the Campbell house for days, Julia had messaged you when she was free, offering to come and get you so that you could hang out, but you just lied through your teeth and told her you were busy.

It hurt to treat your best friend this way, but you were just too torn up to care, the risk of seeing Erik and having any chance of an interaction with him was just too much, more than you were willing to take.

Just as before, you were certain Julia had some idea as to what was going on, when you’d spoken to her on the phone and you’d said you weren’t feeling too good, she sounded too knowing for her own good when she said goodbye, like she had something she needed to go do, she sounded determined.

You just went to work and came home, the next three days being a slow moving blur of feeling nothing and then the next minute feeling everything.

It was exhausting pretending for so many years that you hadn’t felt the way that you did about Erik, pushing it down and acting normal.

Of course you had thought about how it would affect your friendship with Julia, it was one of only things you thought about every time Erik crawled his way into your thoughts, the potential for such a betrayal made you feel ill, but then the other part of you, the part that had known Julia for almost six years at this point, wondered if she would have accepted it, embraced it even.

Just as you were thinking of her, your phone began to buzz next to you on your bed, ripping you out of your thoughts and seeing the image of a photo you and Julia had taken together at a party as her contact floated above it.

With a sigh, you swiped to answer the call and put the phone to your ear, Julia’s voice immediately coming through.

“Happy Birthday!” she cheered, your brows scrunching together as you realised that you’d just forgotten your own birthday entirely.

“Holy shit.” you laughed softly, rubbing your eye as you sat up. “I didn’t even realise, I forgot my own birthday.”

Her laughter rang through, unable to stop a smile coming across your features no matter how hard you tried.

“When are you coming around? we got a cake for you and everything, well, mom did at least.” she explained, causing you to look over to your clock and see it was already one in the afternoon. Jesus.

“Uh, i’ll be around in like twenty, just let me have a shower.” you responded, standing up and reaching for the towel hanging on your door.

“Do you want me to ask Erik to come get you?”

The mention of his name had you stiffening up, the grip on your phone getting tighter as you walked into the bathroom.

“No.” you said flatly, only to correct yourself “I mean, i think i’ll just walk, i need the fresh air.”

Seemingly satisfied with your answer, Julie said goodbye and hung up the call, letting you turn the faucet and get the shower going.

-

The Campbell’s family home was always welcoming, even just walking in, it always felt warm, that was something you couldn’t deny.

It spoke volumes that they’d organised a birthday celebration for you, the only people that ever did, having not spoken to your mother since you graduated, it seemed they were the only family you had left.

When you’d walked around to the backyard, Julia was the first person to spot you, running to you with open arms and birthday wishes, pulling you in for a tight hug.

“You need to talk to Erik, he’s miserable.” she whispered to you as she hugged you, ignoring your confused face when she pulled away and took your hand, guiding you to where the rest of the family were.

Choosing not to address what she had said, you let yourself accept hugs and birthday wishes from Bobby, saying your hello’s to Howard and receiving a kiss on the cheek from Brenda.

You and Erik didn’t even look at each other.

He was sat on one of the outside chairs, nursing a beer which he took occasional sips at, staring at it like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

It was obvious to everybody around you that you were seemingly giving one another the silent treatment, yet they didn’t say anything, just allowed the festivities to continue as Howard worked at the grill and Julia handed you a white claw.

However you managed it, you’d been able to spend almost your entire birthday celebration without saying a word to Erik, even when Bobby and Julia had handed you a present that was labelled to have come from all three Campbell siblings, he still stood at a distance, talking to his dad or sulking a few meters away.

You knew completely that it was immature, to put this much effort into not even talking to him purely due to rejection, but the other part of you, that eighteen year old girl that cried herself to sleep after the boy she liked kissed her and ran out of the room? she was still there, and she was hurt.

By the time it all started to wrap up, Julia had already convinced you to stay the night, even if you were hesitant, she seemed adamant, giving you a look that seemed to imply that she knew exactly why you’d been acting so miserable, especially considering what she’d said to you when you’d arrived.

Wishing your goodnights to Howard and Brenda, you helped Bobby clean up while Julia packed up the leftovers, and yet during this entire time, Erik still sat outside, now nursing a cigarette between his fingers as she sat on the porch swing.

At first, you were going to turn around and go to bed, let him wallow out there and regret what was literally his decision in the first place, but when you turned, you came face to face with Julia, who had a brow quirked as she looked at you.

“Get out there,” she spoke with a hushed tone, pointing to the back door “and talk to him.”

You wanted to argue against it, really you did, but just as it had always been and will continue to be, there was no arguing with Julia.

Stepping out into the backyard that was now only lit up by garden lights, you could see Erik in the distance, the small orange glow on his cigarette lighting up his face as he inhaled.

Without saying a word, you came and sat down next to him, keeping your eyes forward as he did the same, the pair of you being too stubborn to speak at first.

As the silence grew, you huffed and crossed your arms, looking out at the garden that Brenda was so proud of.

“Julia told me to come out here and talk to you.” you finally broke, unable to stand just sitting there in the overwhelming tension any longer.

“She told *me* to talk to *you*.”

Erik’s response made you exhale out of your nose in a sort of soft laugh, at least only as much as you could laugh in that moment; it just made perfect sense that eventually Julia caught on to what was happening between you, it was bound to happen.

“I had a feeling she figured it out.” you mentioned, only for Erik to nod his head.

“She knew when i came home after the bar, said i looked like a kicked puppy.” he mused, a soft smile now falling across his features as he turned his head to look at you for the first time since you’d sat down next to him.

“I’m sorry.”

Your apology had him shaking his head and sighing.

“I’m the one that should be sorry. That wasn’t fair.”

“Which part, kissing me and then pretending it never happened? or friendzoning me for almost four years straight?”

It was crazy just how quickly the tension between you melted away when you finally started talking. Letting it boil in silence had probably been the least wise course of action, but you were anything if not stubborn.

“Both I guess?”

Letting out a small laugh, you let him continue.

“I’m not sorry about pulling away on halloween though, you were drunk, i wasn’t about to be the monster that screwed his little sisters shitfaced best friend.”

Seeming to let the last bit of tension fade away, he turned to face you completely, resting his elbow on the back on the porch swing.

“Even if she really wanted you to.” you said softly with a laugh, acknowledging that was the easy part, of course it had been a smart thing to do, considering Julia probably would have killed him if that were to have happened.

“Especially if she really wanted me to, of course you’d have to be drunk to wanna kiss this face.” he joked, pointing to his face with his index finger.

Shaking your head, you ran your hand along his arm that was resting in the backrest, furrowing your brows.

“I don’t know about that, i’m pretty sober.” you replied lazily, tilting your head as you smiled at each other “I still wouldn’t say no to a kiss if you’re offering.”

That seemed to add another layer of realism to it all, the reminder of who you both were, and the connection between you.

Julia had seemed to make it clear that you had her blessing, why else would she order you outside to talk to her brother, when she seemed to already know exactly what was happening when Erik had come home from the bar that night.

It was the sudden realisation that right here, right now, there was absolutely nothing stopping you anymore, that you’d effectively been given the green light.

So when that smile on Erik’s face only grew, it seemed like a knee jerk reaction as you both leaned in, hands coming to rest on each others cheeks as for the first time in almost four years, you laid a kiss against Erik’s lips, at least one that was going to be reciprocated without question.

Would it have cliche to say that it truly did feel like fireworks going off in your chest? like his fingertips were made of lightning as they rested against your neck, the thickly feeling of his facial hair not bothering you in the slightest.

God, he smelled like cigarettes and cheap cologne, but in the best way possible, just the same as he’d smelled when you first kissed him when you were eighteen, like nothing had changed at all since then.

But that was definitely a lie. Four years was a long time, a lot can happen in that time, lots of life to be experienced, and you were a very different person when compared to the version of yourself who was only just on the brink of graduating.

At first it felt like being stuck in this weird sort of limbo, you just kissed him softly like he was going to be spooked and run away like last time, some small part of your brain fearing it was going to happen all over again; yet when his hands fell to your waist and pulled you in closer, it felt like confirmation that he wasn’t planning on letting you go anywhere.

Finally breaking for air, you kept your foreheads connected, soft pants against each others lips while the pair of you just sat there and took one another in.

“Julia’s gonna kill us.” Erik breathed out with a soft laugh, the mention of it suddenly making you pull away and turn your head in the direction of the house.

As you both turned your attention back to the kitchen window, the sight of two heads quickly ducking out of view made it pretty clear that both of Erik’s siblings had been watching from a distance, seemingly to make sure everything went down smoothly.

Shaking your head, you turned back to Erik with a smile, your arms coming to wrap about his neck.

“Something tells me she had this all planned out from the beginning.” you spoke, just about to lean in to capture another kiss from Erik’s lips before his attention was caught by something around your neck, his hand coming up to wrap his fingers around the claire’s skull and cross bone necklace him and Bobby had gotten you almost five years ago now, which had now fallen out of its place hidden under your shirt.

He ran his thumb over the worn down metal, most of the details almost unrecognisable after so many years of wear, his smile growing as he chuckled.

“I can’t believe you still wear this thing.” he sighed, his eyes looking back up at you; his smirk definitely seemed to reveal that there was at least some small bit of satisfaction on his part, knowing you walked around with a necklace he got you around your neck.

“My ex hated it.” you laughed, leaning forward to east your forehead on his shoulder to try and shield the blush now steadily starting to form on your cheeks. “He told me it was weird to wear a necklace that my friend's brother got me, I think he was jealous of you?”

You heard Erik scoff, pulling away to see him rolling his eyes. “I literally met him once and he acted like he was ready to fight me any second, stupid.” he muttered the last part, only to lean forward and steal another kiss from you.

“Maybe he had a reason to feel threatened after all.” you spoke against his lips, allowing yourself to just sit back and enjoy the feeling of having your lips and face peppered with long overdue kisses.

“Mhm, maybe.” he laughed, bringing your face forward to lay a kiss on your forehead, letting you shut your eyes and melt into the feeling of him wrapping his arms around you and holding you there in a hug.

“He’d feel even worse if he knew what i’m gonna do to do as soon as we get back upstairs and in my room though.”

His sudden boldness had your head flying back, looking across at him as your face shifted from a look of shock, into an expression that resembled the exact image of a horned up teenager, biting your lip and leaning forward to put a hand on his jean clad thigh.

Quirking an eyebrow at you, he let his hands squeeze your waist just a little bit tighter, his voice taking on a deeper and slightly more serious tone.

“You really shouldn’t have tried so hard to make me jealous back in the bar the other day.” he started, pulling you up with him as he stood, his grip on you tight like a vice. “Cause now i’m gonna do exactly what i wanted to do when i had to sit there and watch that fucker throw himself all over you.”

Without any other word exchanged, the pair of you were walking back into the house, hands gripped together.

The lights in the kitchen had been turned off by the time you made your way back inside, the rest of the Campbell’s seemingly excusing themselves into their respective rooms to go to sleep, providing a quick and easy uninterrupted party back up to Erik’s room.

It would have been a lie to say it didn’t feel like an adrenaline rush to practically be sneaking into his bedroom quietly, something you’d definitely thought about on more than one occasion, the thrill that would have come with sneaking around with your best friend's brother.

As much as she must have known exactly what she was doing, there was still some mischievous undertone to it all as Erik shut his bedroom door quietly and turned to face you.

With only his lamp illuminating the bedroom, it was dim but still light enough to make out his face clearly, even more so when he took the few small steps across the carpeted floor to now stand in front of you, looking down at you like you were something to be devoured.

“Do you have any idea how hard I jerked my cock when you left for that halloween party? When I watched you get out of my car in that outfit?”

His voice was rugged and deep, already resulting in your body starting to have a physical reaction, shivering as he stood over you, not too unlike the big bad wolf to your little red riding hood.

Biting your lip, you let your hand reach forward to trace your index finger over his belt buckle, watching him take in a sharp breath.

“Is this a good time to tell you it still fits?” you asked, tilting your head and doing your very best to look up at him with the innocent puppy dog eyes that you already knew drove him wild.

The sound he let out could truly not be described as anything other than a growl, a deep rumble from deep within his chest that had a shiver running along your spine.

Without another word, Erik leaned down to capture you in another kiss, except this was unlike the soft pecks you’d exchanged in the garden, this kiss was hungry, not too unlike the one you’d exchanged on halloween, you could tell from the way he began to grab at you that he was just as desperate as you were.

This was years of buildup now seeming to come spilling over, like the lid had well and truly been blown off and now it was all coming out in a wave, sexual frustration and jealousy for someone that you hadn’t even dated.

His hands molded to your body like they knew it instantly, knowing exactly where to hold you and where the little spots were that made you let out those little sounds that were like music to his ears.

Guiding you to the bed had been easy work, and when the backs of your knees touched it, he shoved you down before you could sit, landing on your back with a soft “Oomph!”

Standing above you now, you could only watch as Erik looked down at you, watch as he reached down to lazily pull at his belt until it became undone, unbuttoning his jeans and letting them sit open and undone around his hips before he kneeled on the bed.

The moment his hands were back on you again, running up your sides and coming to your chest, he didn’t seem shy or hesitant in the slightest, squeezing at one of your tits with no shame, running his thumb back and forth over your peaked nipple through the fabric of your shirt.

Letting out a small whimper, your hands came to shield yourself out of instinct, only to be met with a sudden and harsh resistance in the form of Erik’s free hand gripping your wrist and wrenching it away from yourself.

“Don’t try it.” he warned.

This was a version of Erik you hadn’t seen first hand, you’d always known him as sweet and caring towards you, but there were definitely times where you could see something behind his eyes when he looked at you.

You’d seen it in the bar when he glared, the darkness that overtook his entire being. It would have been a lie if you said it wasn’t a thrill.

As if it was bringing something out of you as well, you couldn’t stop the way you looked up at him, the puppy dog eyes seeming like a completely natural reflex as you couldn’t fight the whimper that came out of you when he gripped your wrist so hard it almost hurt.

There seemed to be something unspoken between the pair of you over those years of pretending you didn’t want each other, something extended beyond feelings and presented itself as more of just this feeling that neither of you could doubt, this understanding that when the pair of you came together, there was going to be flames.

The hand that wasn’t gripping your wrist continued to touch you, pinching your nipple between his index finger and thumb, twisting slightly just to look down at the way you whimpered, letting yourself surrender to the headspace completely.

As you tried to turn your body away, be just wrenched you back to face him even harder, his free hand coming to grab your face and force you to look up at him, squeezing your cheeks so hard your lips pressed together like a fish.

“You’re really gonna be like that?” he breathed with a soft laugh, like he didn’t take you seriously as tall, almost like your attempts to pull away from him were entirely in vain.

It’d had never been like this with old boyfriends, missionary where you’d laid there like a goldfish and let them finish up, or even when they’d pathetically beg you suck their dicks; No, there was something playing within you that wanted Erik fired up, like getting him annoyed was all part of the fun.

Trying to pull your wrist away from his grip, even if it was futile, you let out a small grumble, looking up at him in a way that more than put across the attitude you were purposely giving him, like you knew exactly what you were doing.

“Be like that if you want Princess, works for me.” he spoke lowly leaning in to look down at you in a way that just read as “you asked for this.”

Without another warning, Erik’s hand was disappearing up your skirt, his fingers starting to rub up and down your panties with little to no mercy or warning, your mouth opening to let out a sound only to be promptly stopped by Erik’s other hand clamping over your mouth.

His fingers were skilled, running along your fabric covered slit with a precision that was above what you even thought possible for a guy, like he knew exactly where to touch you in a way that immediately had you whining against his hand.

It didn’t take long for your panties to be pushed aside only to make room for his fingers to start gliding through your wetness, promptly soaking his hand as you tried to close your legs out of reflex, only to clamp down on either sides of him, using his body to keep you open for him.

“Fuck, you’re soaked.” he mused, a dry laugh leaving his lips as he looked down at you, once again giving you no warning as he pushed two fingers straight inside you, gifting you no patience on his part as he wasted no time pushing them inside you up to the knuckle.

Your muffled cry only served to egg him on further, the feeling of your hips trying to pull away from his fingers and your back arching spurring on a slightly cruel smirk across his features.

“You’re that fucking wound up just from my fingers inside you? Seriously?” his tone was mocking at best, leaving you only able to look up at him with eyes that were starting to grow misty as he fucked you with his fingers at a pace that almost hurt, but in the best way conceivable.

God, it was almost embarrassing how much your body reacted to him, the sounds you were making against his hand purely from his touch, you were acting like a cock hungry slut, but it seemed that it was exactly how Erik wanted you, especially when he ripped his fingers out of you out of nowhere with seemingly no warning, the pathetic sound you made at the absence that left you clenching around nothing.

He lifted his fingers up so that they were held right in your face, the sticky mess on his fingers glistening as he spread his fingers to show it off.

“Look at that..” he breathed, letting out an exhaled chuckle as he stared at it like he was almost in a trance, only to open his mouth and suck your mess off of his fingers with the most atrociously sloppy sound you’d ever heard, pulling them out of his mouth again and looking down at you. “Like fuckin’ honey.”

That image along was enough to have your whole body shivering, watching him slurp on his fingers, sucking your own essence off of them like it was the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted; where you legs had been attempting to close before hand, your own body began to betray you, your hips lifting off of the bed as you let out a desperate sound, chasing after his touch again.

Seeing your response to losing the feeling of him, Erik only seemed to find amusement from the way you were whimpering and trying to find any sort of relief, his solution being to bring his hand back down to your pussy, yet only letting his finger tips begin to ghost over your clit, hardly making any contact, nowhere near enough as far as you were concerned.

All you could do was let out sounds of protest, your hands desperately fighting to break free from where he was holding them down with only one hand, his strength and ability to overpower you being more than enough needed to keep you right where he wanted to.

“Whats wrong, princess..?” he cooed at you, mocking you as he kept his face close to yours, continuing his string of almost touching you as he waited to see how long it would take for you to break. “Something you want? You want me to touch you?”

With his hand still held over your mouth, it wasn’t exactly easy to verbalise your answer, but a whimper that came out sounding more like a rugged groan and the nodding of your head, all paired up with the desperation of your eyes that were blown out to the size of dinner plates, he seemed to understand the message clear enough.

Just as he’d done before, he gave you no warning when he plunged his fingers back inside you, fucking you with them with a starting pace that had your eye’s rolling back into your head, practically crying out into his hand the sudden jump from feeling barely anything to being heinously overstimulated, your brain was beginning to turn to mush, you were becoming putty in his fingers.

You’d always imagined it might be something like this to a degree, but fucking yourself with you fingers late and night and shutting your eyes pretending it was him was practically nothing when compared to what was happening right then and there, the knot in your stomach growing tighter and tighter as you felt yourself starting to go numb.

“You gonna cum?” he teased, “Gonna gush all over my fingers like a nasty little slut? Fuuuuck, look at you, you can’t even hear what im saying.”

He was correct of course, anything he was saying to you was coming out as white noise as you finally felt you body coming loose around him, pulsing around his fingers as you let out obscene muffled noises and felt your toes curling, swearing for a moment or two that you went blind on one eye.

You were still in a daze when his hand came off of your mouth, taking in a deep breath of air that you hadn’t even realised was being kept from you, silence except for the sound of your panting.

Numb to the world around you, you hardly even felt real for the first ten seconds of laying there, feeling a few soft kisses peppering your forehead accompanied by a hand on your cheek.

“Hey now, come back to me..” Erik’s soft voice rang out, a small laugh following after it, finally starting to come back down to reality to see him looking down at you like he thought that state he’d left you in was hilarious.

You couldn’t form words, but he seemed to realise your eyes were focusing back in on him, his thumb running along your cheek as he tilted his head.

“You okay?” he whispered, watching you let out a small hum and a nod, one of your shaky hands coming up to grip his shoulder, almost in an attempt to ground yourself.

When you gave him another nodded, the hand that was on your cheek proceeded to give it a soft encouraging pat, a smile remaing on Erik’s face as he sat back and gripped your hips.

“Can I fuck you princess? Is that what you want?”

His question had you biting your lip as you looked up at him, the way his hands rubbed the tops of thigh’s slowly and softly, his own little way of keeping you grounded and comforted, seeking out permission from you before he went any further, that was the Erik that had always taken care of you, even if from a respectful distance.

“Please..” was the first word you’d managed to get out, your voice slightly croaky but clear enough that he definitely understood, causing him to let out a low groan at just how pathetically you begged for it.

With the jeans that were already undone, it hadn’t taken him much effort to pull them down to his knees, his grey boxers leaving nothing to the imagination as you pushed yourself up on your elbows, your bottom lip being caught between your teeth as soon as you saw the length and size you were about to be working with.

The only way you could have been described in that moment was a bitch in heat, desperate and needy in a way that couldn’t be described in words.

Then as if you weren’t already cock hungry enough, even just from seeing the tattooed barb wire on his v-line, or the dark hair creepy out of the boxers and up towards his belly button; As he pulled himself out and lazily pumped himself, your mouth fell open, the whimper leaving your throat being so pathetic that you were almost ashamed.

Looking down at his own cock, Erik let out a throaty laugh, continuing to continued to slowly drag his hand up and down his shaft when he looked back up at you, realising what it was that had constituted the noise from you.

“You like it?” he teased, running his thumb over the top of the thick curved barbell, letting you stare at it for a few more seconds before he put a hand on your knee.

“You want it?” he asked, his hand gliding down to rest on your hip.

When you nodded, he smiled and lifted your hips, turning you over slowly so that your ass was up in the air, your cheek coming to rest snugly against the sheets as he placed his hand flat inbetween your shoulder blades to push your upper body down.

“That’s it, I’ve got you..” he reassured, his hand coming to glide over your ass cheek, admiring the view for a few sweet seconds, letting you enjoy the feeling of a soft touch against your skin, at least for a few seconds.

**THWACK**

You were lucky your face was in the sheets, otherwise the sound of you crying out would have been audible throughout the whole house, the sharp pain of Erik’s hand coming down to spank you barely even registering before he was sending another one down on your skin.

The kicking of your legs was futile, the whimpers leaving your throat seeming to produce little mercy from Erik as he let down one more harsh smack, just as you felt his tip starting to run up and down your entrance, the cold metal of his piercing making you jump.

“You gonna let me fuck this pussy? Huh?” he grunted, making a point to push just his tip inside you, barely even penetrating you to begin with. “Gonna let me fill it up with my cum? You gonna take it all?”

His words, along with the unbearable teasing, had you pushing your ass back against him, desperate for him to push himself deeper inside you, only for him to back away each time you tried to your dismay, a desperate whimper emerging from your throat each time.

“Pretty baby wants dick so bad..” he cooed, almost as if he genuinely felt sorry for you, but you both knew better, the more you were begging for him, the better it was.

Not as harshly as he had pushed his fingers inside you, Erik gripped your hips, pushing himself in at a fast enough speed that had you gasping, but didn’t hurt by any means, telling you that beneath the show he was putting on, he still was making sure not to hurt you, at least not in a way that you didn’t want him to.

Your gasp was quickly offset with a soft cry, your eyes squeezing shut as his cock invaded your insides, pushing through without resistance as your wetness let him glide inside fairly easily.

It was a little bit of a push before Erik finally sunk inside you completely, when his hips finally made contact with your ass, bottoming out with a deep groan that had him tipping his head back and shutting his eyes.

“Fuuuuck..” he groaned, you could feel the way his grip on your hips tightened, along with the way his cock twitched inside you; just as much as you could feel him fighting back his instinct to move, fighting back his desire to pound into you with no mercy until you were ready.

“Just..” he breathed “Tell me when I can start moving princess..”

The way he was able to switch back and forth between cruel and caring was just so painfully Erik, just as it always was with him, one minute he’d act like he was bothered by your very presence, then you’d give him those same puppy dog eyes and he’d be left unable to say no to you.

Turning your head and straining your neck to look back at him, your mouth hung open for a few moments as you let yourself finish getting used to the stretch, as well as the feeling of his piercing tickling right against that sweet spot inside you, every time he moved in the slightest it sent lighting through you, unable to hide your whimpers.

Opening your eyes back up, you gave him a nod, preparing yourself for what was no doubt going to be a brutal pace that he was about to set.

He started out slow, giving you a chance to make sure he wasn’t hurting you, gradually gathering up speed which only made your moans grow louder, giving you no choice but you let your face fall back against the sheets to make sure it was muffled, eventually he was pistoning inside you, a concentrated rhythm being followed as he gripped your hips so tightly it stung.

Risking a look back, you turned your head only to be greeted by the sight of Erik thrusting into you, staring down at the sight of himself coming in and out of you as his mouth hung open, low groans and grunts leaving his chest.

As if he had felt your eyes on him, Erik looked up, meeting your gaze which only seemed to stir him further, biting his lip as he leaned forward and reached to grab a fistful of your hair, forcing you to arch your back and stare up at the wall, letting him fuck you so hard no sound was even coming out of you anymore, just leaving your mouth hanging open and your eyes rolling into the back of your skull.

“Thaaaats it.. fucking take it like a dirty fucking cockslut…” his words sounded just as desperate as you had previously, breathed out and slightly higher pitched in a way that told you he was feeling it all just as much as you were. “Fuck, fuck, wanted to have you like this for so long… wanted you on my bed spread out just like this..”

Memories of touching yourself just to the very idea of something like this happening came flooding in, laying there in your bed back at home and closing your eyes and picturing Erik in your head, wondering if he ever thought about you in the way you thought about him.

Now here you were getting confirmation that he’d wanted you for just as long as you’d wanted him, years of frustration and pining finally being thrown out of the window as you were actually there, bent over for him and letting him fuck you like a whore, pent up urges years in the making fuelling the way he jack hammered into you.

“Shit.. turn over..” he grunted, pulling out of you and gripping your shoulder in his hand to flip you onto your back before you could even compute what he was asking you. “Need to see those eyes..”

Letting Erik manhandle you into whatever position he wanted, you couldn’t stop yourself from lifting your head to get a glimpse of him lining himself back up, unable to stop your legs from shivering and your mouth falling open with a whine when you pushed his cock back inside you.

Bringing you gaze back up to where he was kneeling above you, you stared into each others eyes, making a point to put on those same puppy dog eyes that got him every time, feeling him begin to fuck you noticeably harder when you looked up at him.

“Fuck.. yes.. look at me..” he groaned, his hands coming to rest on the backs of your knees, pushing to where your knees were almost touching your shoulders, folding you in a way that allowed for a whole new angle, unable to hide the way your face contorted and your brows turned upwards.

Your head tipped back, soft cries being the only sound you were capable of making anymore, so completely and totally fucked out to the point that you could hardly even form any proper thoughts.

A hand came to rest on your cheek, your head coming forward and your eyes opening again to see Erik looking right in the verge himself just as you were, his eyes staring down at you intensely as he seemed to be chasing your gaze.

“Please don’t stop looking at me..” he begged, the dominant nature he had taken on previously becoming replaced by the unbearable urge to cum, chasing his release desperately.

The way you were gripping at each other, your hands coming up to rest on either side of his face, you silence each other in the form of a kiss, Erik’s moans into your mouth seeming to be exactly what was needed to push you over the edge, wrapping your arms around his neck as you cried out, tucking your face in his neck as you began to pulse, soaking his dick and squeezing it tightly in a way that had his thrusts turning shallow, barely even pulling out of you before he was pushing back in.

Your hand found its way to the back of his head, tangling your fingers into the tufts of dark hair and gripping whatever you could as you practically sobbed against his shoulder, your legs shaking as your pussy squeezed him.

Pulling on his hair and cumming around his cock proved to be exactly what was needed to push Erik over the edge he’d been chasing, feeling his thrusts stiffen and stop and start randomly as he painted your walls with cum, starting to leak out of you already.

His moans we’re high pitched, his hips going from ramming against your own to softly and slowly rolling deeply, riding out his orgasm bit by bit as you felt his body starting to give way, letting him collapse on top of you and into your arms.

Each time his hips moved again the slightest bit, you whimpered, gripping his hair again and squeezing his hips with your legs, still highly sensitive from the way he’d been mercilessly fucking you only moments ago.

You had no idea how long you both laid there on his bed, letting his thick cum leak out of you as he sat inside you, resting his forehead on your chest and panting deeply, trying to come down from his high before you both felt even semi conscious again.

When it finally felt real again, like you had floated back down into your physical bodies once again, you looked at Erik and couldn’t fight back the smile that made its way onto your features, apparently contagious as Erik let out a soft laugh and leaned forward to capture your lips in a soft kiss, the sudden movement making you whimper against his lips that had him pulling back suddenly.

“Shit, sorry.” he wheezed, pushing his weight off of you and slowly pulling his now soft dick out of you with a sharp hiss through his teeth.

Pulling his grey boxers back over his hips, he moved back down to lay next to you on his back, turning his head to look over at you and reaching out to slowly pull you against him, letting you rest your head on his chest.

“I’ve got you..” he whispered, letting you lay there and recover slowly but surely, letting your eyes open and close softly as the exhaustion finally started to claim you.

When you shut your eyes, you didn’t even realise you’d fallen asleep until you woke up to a hand on your face, having now been tucked into the covers while Erik got up and fetched a washcloth from the bathroom.

“Shh..shh, it’s okay, it’s just me..” he whispered when you’d fussed softly, running his thumb along your cheek and letting you open your eyes slowly to see him standing there.

You let him clean you off softly, feeling him take care to be as gentle as he could before discarding the cloth and pulling a pair of his own sweat pants and shirt over you while you faded in and out of consciousness.

Finally as he crawled back into bed with you, you didn’t hesitate to roll back into his arms, feeling them wrap around you as a kiss was laid on the top of your head.

“You have no idea how long i’ve been waiting to do that..” he whispered against your temple as you clung to his body heat, letting him trace little shapes along your back with his finger tips.

“Just wish you hadn’t waited as long as you did..” you whispered back, a soft exhale of a laugh leaving him.

“Good things come to those who wait?” he offered up, only receiving a soft smack against his arm from you which only made him laugh more.

“Yeah, okay, I deserved that one.” he wheezed as he just pulled you closer against him, taking a deep inhale of your scent and exhaling with a satisfied hum.

“Hope you know that now that i’ve got you, i’m never letting you go.” his last words to you before you both started to fall asleep, snoring softly in each others arms in his bed, something you’d both waited almost four years to do, finally happening here and now.

[retireddaddyric]

TOO LATE

(Painting Palette part III)

Synopsis: (PART 3) reader gets drunk to forget about what happened but when she comes back home Daniel is there. Fashbacks hit.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI. Alchol, reckless behavior, intoxicated state, slighty dirty talking, heartbreak.

Notes: English is not my first language. Thanks for the comments and requests, keep them coming.

I don’t go out often, at least not since I came back. But tonight, I let Mia drag me to some bar in SoHo, one of those crowded, overpriced places where the drinks are pink and the boys are louder than the music. I let her feed me tequila and stupid compliments.

I let a stranger’s hands sit too low on my hips. I let myself laugh when nothing is funny. Then I let him kiss me: he tasted like lime and cologne and absolutely nothing.

And I let it happen.

By the time I stumble through the door, I’m soaked in rain, heels in hand, makeup smeared. The hallway spins slightly. My mouth tastes like lipstick and regret.

“Mick?” I call, slurring a little.

No answer.

The apartment is quiet, except for the soft hum of the TV in the living room.

I turn the corner and there he is, Daniel. He is barefoot, wearing a hoodie. Sitting on the couch with a half-empty glass of wine, eyes locked on me like I’ve just walked in holding a lit match.

“Your brother’s out,” he says flatly.

“Good,” I whisper.

He stands slowly. His eyes rake over me, the damp shirt clinging to my body, the wobbly way I lean against the doorframe, the wild in my eyes.

“You look like hell.” He says.

“Thanks,” I snap. “You look like someone I want to hit.”

He doesn’t flinch. “What the fuck are you doing?”

I toss my shoes onto the floor with a loud thunk. “Having fun. Being normal. Is that allowed, Daniel?”

“Normal?” he says, voice rising. “You’re drunk. And you kissed some asshole in a bar two hours ago—”

“Oh,” I say, stepping closer. “So you are keeping tabs on me.”

“I was there. Across the room. Watching you act like none of this means anything.”

“It doesn’t,” I lie. My throat burns.

He takes a slow step forward. “Really?”

“You canceled your date with your ex and still couldn’t bother to tell me,” I snap. “So no, Daniel, I’m not really in the mood to be handled by you.”

“You think I didn’t tell you because I didn’t care?” he hisses.

I blink, lips trembling. “Did you?”

Silence.

That damn silence again.

I laugh, bitter and broken, and it turns into a hiccup, then a sob.

“You don’t get to show up in my life again and ruin me,” I cry. “I barely put myself back together.”

“Then why are all your paintings still about me?”

That stuns me. The silence is deafening. I can’t speak. Can’t move. I just sway on my feet, drunk and exhausted and unraveling in front of him.

Daniel curses under his breath and crosses the room. “Come on,” he mutters, gentler now. “You’re gonna fall.”

“I hate you,” I sob, pushing weakly against his chest. “I hate that you get to live in my head. I hate that you were always him—”

“I know,” he breathes, wrapping an arm around my waist. “I know.”

He pulls me against him. He is warm and solid and I go limp.

He holds me like I’m breakable. Like he knows he’s already broken me. And even through the tears and the ache and the whiskey, I let him guide me toward my bedroom.

I want to yell, to scream.. But instead, I just cry into his shirt while he helps me sit on the edge of the bed, kneels down to untie the laces of my ruined boots, and whispers nothing at all.

I can’t really say when or how I fall asleep I just now I re-live a flashback from years ago, half-dreamed and painfully vivid.

It starts with the sound of laughter.

Mine. His.

Louder, younger. Before anything had weight.

I’m nineteen again, barefoot on the back patio of our old house. It’s summer. I’m wearing cutoffs and a tank top, skin sticky from sweat and lemonade, and Daniel is sitting on the railing, throwing grapes into his mouth like an idiot.

Mick is inside somewhere, probably grabbing another beer. It’s just us. It always ended up just us.

I remember the way the light hit his profile: dusk painting him in honey, the sharp lines of his jaw softening as he smiled at me like I was funny even when I wasn’t.

“Still doing that weird figure drawing thing?” he asked, legs swinging lazily.

“It’s called studying anatomy,” I said, tossing a grape at him. It missed. “But thank you for belittling my entire degree.”

Daniel caught the next one in his mouth, grinning. “You draw dicks for school, babe.”

“I draw bodies, pervert.”

“You practice on real ones?” He smiled with brakets.

I rolled my eyes, but I could feel the heat creep up my neck.

He leaned forward a little, elbows on his knees, looking at me with that ridiculous glint in his eyes, the one that made it hard to breathe. “You could sketch mine,” he said, voice teasing but low.

I remember freezing. My heart stuttered like it didn’t know how to keep going.

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to joke back.

But I just stood there, swallowing the lump in my throat, pretending I didn’t hear it the way he meant it.

When I finally looked up at him, he was already looking away, like maybe he’d gone too far. Like he didn’t mean to say it out loud.

Then Mick came back out with drinks and the spell broke.

But I knew. I knew then, in my chest, in my gut, in the part of me that stores memories I don’t admit out loud, that I was in trouble. That I was falling.

I murmur something in my sleep and turn onto my side. Back in the present, my fingers twitch slightly on the bedsheet.

Daniel is still outside the room. Maybe still waiting.

Maybe still thinking about the first time I almost drew him.

I wake up with my mouth dry and my head splitting right behind my eyes.

The bedsheets are tangled around my legs. My nightshirt is twisted and halfway up my thigh. I groan into the pillow, mascara smudged on the fabric, and wish I could melt through the mattress and disappear.

Memories from last night flicker behind my eyes.

Rain.

Daniel.

Kissing someone who didn’t matter.

Screaming at someone who did.

The feel of strong arms pulling me off my feet while I sobbed into his chest.

I don’t remember crawling into bed but I know who put me there.

The door creaks open before I can even sit up. I flinch. “Oh my god, can you knock—?”

“It’s just coffee,” Daniel says, stepping inside.

He’s holding a mug and he’s looking at me like I might bolt if he breathes too loudly.

He sets it on the nightstand, eyes scanning my face, then the room, then briefly my legs under the covers. It’s fast. Barely a flick of his gaze. But I see it.

And so does he.

He clears his throat and steps back.

“You looked like you might need this,” he mutters.

I sit up slowly, head pounding, fingers curling around the warm mug. “Thanks.”

We’re quiet for a beat. Then another.

Daniel leans against the doorframe, arms crossed, and watches me drink like I’m holding something sacred. Or maybe like he wishes it was him. “You okay?” he asks after a moment.

I nod, then shake my head. “I don’t know.”

He looks away. Exhales through his nose. “You scared the shit out of me last night.”

“I scared myself.”

Silence.

I stare into the coffee. He watches me like he’s remembering something he hasn’t decided whether to say.

“You remember the race in Melbourne? That year Mick crashed in Q2 and we got stuck in the hotel for two days because of the storm?”

I blink. “Yeah. Why?”

“You fell asleep on the couch with your sketchpad on your chest,” he says. “Pencil still in your hand. I thought you were gonna stab yourself.”

I smile faintly. “You stole it off me.”

“And flipped through it,” he admits. “There were three pages of me.”

My cheeks flush.

“I told myself you were just bored. But you’d drawn my mouth like… like you knew it.”

I glance up at him, heart tight. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I don’t know,” he says, voice rough. “Because I wanted to. Which meant I shouldn’t.” His eyes drop to the line of my collarbone where the blanket slips slightly. He lingers. Then back to my face, serious again. “I’ve always wanted to.”

The air thickens.

My mouth goes dry for a different reason.

“You’re staring,” I whisper.

“I know.”

Another beat. Then he pushes off the doorframe, takes two slow steps toward the bed.

“Can I sit?” he asks, quietly.

I nod.

He sinks onto the mattress beside me, still keeping a safe inch between us. But I can feel him: he’s all heat, pressure, unsaid things. And I wonder how long we’ll pretend it isn’t already happening.

Because he is sitting close now. Not touching, but near enough that the air between us is louder than words.

I sip the coffee again, buying time.

“So,” I say, eyes still on the mug, “you looked through my sketchbook.”

“I looked through all your sketchbooks,” he replies.

I glance up and he’s already watching me. Like he never really stopped. His voice is quiet when he adds, “That’s how I knew.”

“Knew what?”

“That you felt something too.”

I blink. “Daniel…”

“You never drew people the way you drew me,” he says. “Even back then, before you knew what you were doing with a pencil. You drew me like you were studying me. Memorizing me.”

My throat tightens.

“You know why I never said anything?” he asks. “Why I never did anything?”

I nod once. “Because of Mick.”

“Yes. And because I was scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of falling for someone who’d see right through me,” he says, gaze flicking between my eyes. “You’ve always seen through me. Even when I was smiling, even when I was pretending to have it all together.”

“And now?” I ask, breath shaky.

“Now?” He leans in slightly. “Now it’s worse.”

“Why?”

“Because I still want you. And I don’t know how to stop.”

The confession steals the oxygen from the room.

I don’t answer. I can’t. Instead, I put the mug down with a soft clink and I lean in. His lips meet mine like we’ve been doing this in dreams for years.

It starts slow. Careful. Like testing a memory. But the second I sigh into his mouth, everything shifts: his hand cups my jaw, thumb brushing my cheek. I crawl into his lap without thinking, without breathing. My nightshirt rides up, his hoodie bunches under my fingers. He kisses like he means it, like he’s drowning in it, like we’ve wasted too much time already.

“God, you’re…” he mutters between kisses, “everything I said I wouldn’t touch.”

“And you’re late,” I whisper against his neck, “years late.”

He groans low and needy, like he wants to argue, but can’t. His hands slide under my thighs, pulling me closer. His mouth moves down my jaw, then to my collarbone. My head falls back.

“You still want to sketch me?” he breathes.

I nod. “Only if I can make it indecent.”

He laughs against my skin.

I tug his hoodie over his head, fingers grazing warm muscle. He’s solid beneath it, much older, stronger, broader than he used to be. He pushes the thin strap of my nightshirt down my shoulder, leans in like he’s going to kiss every inch of skin I offer.

The front door opens.

Keys. The jingle. The very loud voice of Mick calling: “Yo! I’m grabbing leftover pizza—anyone home?”

We freeze. Daniel’s hands are on my hips. My lips are swollen. His shirt is gone. I’m straddling him in a sheer nightgown.

And panic slices through me.

I launch off his lap like I’ve touched fire, stumbling across the room and grabbing the edge of the blanket. I wrap it around myself just as Mick’s footsteps hit the hallway.

Daniel swears under his breath and scrambles for his hoodie.

The bedroom door’s still cracked open.

I sit on the edge of the bed, flushed, heart hammering.

He looks at me. We both start breathing again.

Too late.

(Last and 4th part here!)

[fall0utmind]

Ruined

Hi, so this isn't my normal fic at all. It was a real effort of labour and love. I would really appreciate you reading it and letting me know what you think. I actually really love it so I hope you do too !!!!!! I know Tony/Fabio isn't the most popular pairing but I really hope you enjoy xx

AO3 HERE

RPF summer camp - 'sunburn'

It was Fabio's fault, really.

He was the one who told Mig that it was fine to include in the podcast.

Fabio had laughed, high and false in his throat, when the older man had asked if he should cut it out, eyes sympathetic. The sensible thing would have been to politely agree and request that any mention of Tony be eradicated from the final cut, but Fabio had never been sensible.

The fans would like it, if nothing else. They always liked the rider interactions. Better if it was something they weren't privy to: the secret interactions in the paddock, hidden behind corners and inside motorhomes. God knew that there were enough of them. Fabio knew that some of them would rock the motorbiking world and hence would never see the light of day.

(Well, not if Marc had his way.)

Mig was kind enough not to push or pry into it anymore, not so subtly changing the subject. But he had done enough by alluding to the nature of their relationship and the privacy it required.

Well, not that there was an actual relationship to keep private.

Fabio sort of wanted to make a childish comment about Franky in retaliation, calling attention to the way Mig stared at him like a forlorn puppy, if only to level the playing field. Instead, he shrugged it off, pretended for a second that this was normal, that he was fine. That Tony didn't mean the world to him, more than a friend ever should, or that Mig's questions had opened a sinking chasm of realisation inside his chest. He pointedly ignored Mig's concerned look and shoved any thoughts of his friend to the back of his mind, leaving before he could be interrogated further. He hugged Mig on the way out, tried not to think about the way he clung on a fraction too long.

He had never quite grasped how undeniably gone he was for his best mate until that moment, warm to the core as he talked about their friendship. Nor was he ready to admit that to himself by giving in to Mig's kindness. Fabio knew that Tony wouldn't mention it. They had been skirting around Fabio's weird affection for years, like biting around the soft, brown bit of an apple, letting the rotten parts decay some more, hoping one day it wouldn't exist at all. Fabio could play it off as a joke, he thought, in the same way he brushed aside all the girlfriend questions, pretending that a relationship was a waste of his time.

If anyone looked closely, if they knew Fabio, they would see that Tony wasn't a joke to him. Most had seemingly worked it out before Fabio. In hindsight, it wasn't like he had hidden his affection, his obsession with the younger man. Surely Tony understood. Fabio watched every one of Tony's races, standing on the other side of the pit wall to cheer him on, unashamed of the constant buzz and the cameras trained on him. He constantly wanted to be around the Italian, sought out his affection like a sunflower chased the sun even as it dipped below the horizon. Fabio didn't do that for anyone else.

It had just taken him years to understand that the affection he felt wasn't just the strong ties of friendship which bound them together. If Fabio was the last to catch on, that meant that Tony knew.

The problem wasn't really on Fabio's end, then.

(Or maybe it was, he was the one who had gone and developed a crush after all.)

He didn't even know where Mig had gotten half of his gossip, however true it was. Of course, Andrea was always in the paddock with the VR46 team, and anyone with eyes could see the closeness between Fabio and Tony. But this hit a little too close to home for his liking. It was like someone had come along and scooped out his soft middle, leaving his aching heart unprotected, almost handing the knife to Tony.

How Uccio had seen him at Tony's door was another mystery. He didn't think anyone had been around whilst he was skulking around the paddock, late enough that even the media had headed home. The picture was burned into his memory, but he had no recollection of when or where it was, just that it had been another bad practice, and Fabio, seeking comfort, had gone to Tony's door, following the warm light seeping out from inside.

He had been brave, for once, calling upon his friend rather than shutting himself away to sulk. Fabio had convinced himself to go to where he knew the younger man was, feeling turbulent, something tight squeezing in his chest, making it hard to breathe. He made it all the way to the door, only to hear the unmistakable sound of Tony's voice, soft and flirty as he spoke; the answering laugh was high-pitched, distinctly feminine. Presumably, he had company, flavour of the month, Fabio scoffed. He squeezed his eyes shut against the onslaught of pain, the feelings of inadequacy, fist still raised as if to knock. He left without entering, afraid to be a nuisance, his heart spasming. Fabio didn't think about it again; he cried himself to sleep in the darkness of his own empty motorhome instead.

He felt a little bit like he'd been drowning in denial until approximately three days ago, when the podcast had aired, and he watched just how fond his face was when talking about Tony. It was one thing for his friends to know, another to sit in the puddle of his own ignorance, something else entirely for his dirty laundry to be aired so publicly.

(And yet he had agreed.)

It was a cruel, last-minute wish to have more time, to explore this feeling, to acquaint himself with it before he had to package it up into a neat little box and shove it into the depths of his mind. The sudden switch up from believing he just adored his friend in all the normal ways to realising they had skipped past platonic long ago.

Tom, in typical fashion, sent him the little clips that Mig had posted on social media. The question marks accompanying the reel were damning, as was the incoming call, which Fabio promptly declined, ignoring several further messages from both Tom and Mathilde until he finally gave up and turned off his phone.

The evening was spent with Fabio in tears, wrapped in his softest hoodie, panicking because he had somehow missed the fact that he was in love with his best friend. He knew that he loved Tony, but he didn't realise that he was in love with Tony. How he had managed to miss that one was a mystery to all. His stomach churned with bitter fear, which clawed up the back of his throat, burning like acid. He sobbed until his head was pounding and unconsciousness took hold, still slumped on the sofa, an empty bottle of wine on the coffee table, diet be damned.

The next day, he tried to outrun it, 21km until his legs felt jelly and he bent over the nearest rubbish bin to hurl his guts out. Unpleasant, yet somehow more tolerable than the damning weight of his feelings. Fabio stood in the shower for an undetermined amount of time after, his brain wading through years' worth of repressed emotions, trying to find something akin to authenticity to cling on to. He felt miserable. Thoughts swirled through his mind like water whirlpooling down the drain. He watched the glass cloud with steam, breathed in the air, and held his breath. He counted the droplets trickling down the walls, exhaled when he reached ten, gasping through the burn of his lungs, which matched the crack in his heart. Water fell from his hair, down his cheeks, obscuring the tears which were consistent now, streaming down his face, washed away by the shower.

Fabio didn't know what he was meant to do.

He towelled off after, once the water began to run cold. He redressed into something comfortable, forgoing food since unlikely he to keep anything down. His phone chimed from the kitchen counter, hastily turned back on before his run. He ignored it, letting the ring tone become background noise.

*

Fabio sometimes hated his former self, the one who made plans whilst he was feeling extroverted. His friends and he had booked a weekend off ages ago, with the idea of going somewhere hot and sunny, with a boat, good food and alcohol. It was meant to be a relaxing mini break, some time to just be themselves. But now Fabio was stuck between a rock and a hard place - everyone would be able to read between the lines, know that Fabio was completely and utterly head over heels for Tony, who would also be there.

 In summary, he was entirely fucked.

There was a knock on his door, just after his workout, before he could even get out of his sweaty clothes. Fabio sighed, wishing that he could just have a morning off to mope, but alas. He opened it, revealing Tom on the other side, his face stern. It turned out that there was no escaping this. Sometimes, he really wished that Tom were less efficient. 

When they finally met up with the others, Fabio tried everything in his power to act normally, pulling Tony into a bro hug and ignoring the pounding of his pulse. It was easier with the others there, less chance for Fabio to overthink everything he did, so long as he ignored their unsubtle glances. The journey was fine, with most people's attention fixated on either navigation or planning, Fabio managed to zone out and listen to music the entire way there. They had booked out a villa, which was both a blessing and a curse. It meant sharing space with the boys for longer, but also saved the hassle of hotels and Cannes had nice places on Fabio's budget. He disappeared straight to his room when they arrived, feigning tiredness despite the restlessness in his entire body, skipping dinner altogether.

They left early enough the next morning to forgo talking. It wasn't until they settled onto the boat and left the harbour, towels already spread on the deck and jet ski in tow, that Fabio had to consciously worry. He stuck close to Tom, soaking in the sun and lazily keeping track of the threads of conversation, effectively avoiding Tony. It was all going okay, really, until Tony decided to take his shirt off. Suddenly, Fabio was powerless, unable to look away from the miles of tanned skin and muscles it had revealed. His arms were thick, corded with more muscle than Fabio remembered, strong biceps and smooth pecs swelling in all the right ways. In a twisted turn of events, Fabio was delirious with sudden desire, a heat building in his stomach, thoughts of being under Tony, those arms wrapped around him, chest to chest, filling his mind. He licked his lips, tore his gaze away, disgusted with himself. He tried not to make it too transparent, the way he flicked his eyes over every so often, evaluating whether it was him or Tony who had changed. Surely, his body didn't just decide overnight that he was sexually attracted to the younger man. Sure, Fabio always thought that he was attractive, but he wondered whether he had always been so obviously fixated on Tony. 

He really should have stayed at home, told everyone that he was too sick to come.

(Tom probably would have dragged him out of the house himself.)

"-Fabio"

He jerked forward, eyes drawn back to the conversation, smiling sheepishly as a blush spread over his cheeks. He had lost the train of dialogue the minute a certain someone had decided to strip. His friends laughed at him, assuming it was just Fabio being himself, ADHD tendencies and all that. He shrugged, as if to say, 'What did you expect?', his smile self-deprecating. Only Tom continued to stare when the discussion moved on, shooting him an inscrutable look - clearly Fabio wasn't fooling him. Tom had always known him too well.

Now there were two people Fabio had to avoid, with both Tony and Tom being dangerous territory, although for vastly different reasons. He couldn't be alone with Tony, lest he a) did something incredibly stupid or b) was asked a question which he couldn't answer and ended up in an incredibly awkward position. Tom was almost certainly going to lecture him about his love life, which Fabio also wasn't too keen on. 

God truly was unfair sometimes. Putting him in a one-sided love affair with a sport that hated him, made him fall for one of his best friends, and made another best friend the biggest worrier of all time.

Typical.

A stroke of luck meant that Fabio made it a whole two hours before Tom cornered him. Those hours were full of blissful peace and laughter, over too soon. He was lying on a deck chair, eyes shut, soaking up the sun and trying desperately hard not to think. He didn't see the others move across the boat, leaving him alone, perfect for ambushing.

There was a weight on the side of the sun bed. Fabio blinked his eyes open only to squeeze them shut again when he realised it was Tom who was looking down at him expectantly, his gaze burning.

"Fabio", he began.

"No, go away. I'm tired." Fabio whined.

"You gonna tell me what the fuck is going on with Tony?"

"No."

"Oh, so there is something", Tom badgered, clearly not content with Fabio's want for privacy.

"...no"

"Is this about that podcast?"

Tom raised his eyebrows. Fabio glared.

"No."

"Is there anything else you can say?" Tom asked, long-suffering.

Fabio smirked. Well, Tom just walked into that one.

"Yes", he mocked.

Tom groaned.

"When did you realise?"

"Realise what?" Fabio questioned.

"That you were in love with him, you idiot"

Fabio stopped, stared, squinting at Tim's serious face, the sun haloing around him. Okay, so not joking. Great, did everyone know?

Fabio chucked, humourless.

"Eh, probably the podcast. Around." He answered.

"Jesus fuck Fabio, only then?"

"Ey, shut up. I thought it was a weird crush, a very deep friendship, no?"

"Yeah, but we have a very deep friendship, and you've never felt like this for me!" Tom snapped, tone somewhere between disbelief and annoyance.

Fabio coughed awkwardly and looked away. He could feel his cheeks heat as the silence stretched on.

"Oh my god. Merde. Fabio..."

"Nope, we are not talking about it. Please, Tom", Fabio begged, beyond mortified. This was humiliating enough already, just considering the whole Tony thing.

"You know he likes you, too, right? You two are idiots. It's so stupid." Tom bemoaned.

"He clearly doesn't, or he would have said something."

Tom sighed.

"Maybe he's waiting for you to make a move."

"He keeps dating random girls, so I don't think so. It's not my fault that he isn't interested. Why don't you talk to him instead?"

"Fabio. Bro, come on. You are so not serious about this. You go on that show and spend so long talking about Tony that they have to give it its own titled section, and you still won't do anything. This is ridiculous," he grumbled.

Fabio looked away. Flushed

"What do you want me to say. I didn't know," he whispered, inaudible. He didn't want to talk about this anymore.

"Chéri, stop mumbling." Tom requested, the sweet pet name slipping out, an age-old habit. It did nothing to temper the upset bubbling within Fabio.

"I didn't fucking know okay? I thought it was some kind of weird attraction or jealousy. Maybe a little crush. I didn't realise it was love until after. I mean, I didn't even realise how obvious I've been. Not until it was spelt out for me. On record, I may add. And now everything is fucked and I don't know how to act and everyone knows. And I'm panicking. Fuck, what am I meant to do"

The air deserted his lungs, his breath catching on the way out, making an awful squeaking whimper in the back of his throat as he shuddered through an inhale. He felt like he was burning up from the inside, the walls crushing inwards as he tried to gasp for oxygen for his lungs, which felt like they were collapsing. His vision fogged, blurred, whether by tears or because he felt like he was dying, he didn't know. The overwhelming feeling of dread sat like stone in his stomach, rising anxiety clawing at him.

"Okay. Okay. Fabio, it's okay. Take some deep breaths for me, ok?" Tom soothed, an edge of panic cracking his syllables.

Fabio went through the motions, coached by Tom, tears prickling the corners of his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realise. We can work this out, yes. Just treat him as normal. It hasn't actually changed. You've just realised. We all love you the same, ok?"

Fabio nodded, finally able to gasp through a breath, and another. He stared up at Tom with wide eyes, accepted the bottle of water handed to him.

"You coming to grab some food, the others will be out soon?"

Fabio hummed, his stomach churning. He looked away, guilty.

"Maybe in a bit", he said.

Tom smiled gently, patting his cheek, allowing Fabio to lean into it. There was evident concern in his eyes; Fabio overlooked it.

"You need to eat, yes? Promise me?" Tom implored.

"Okay"

Tom smiled, stood up. As he turned to walk away, he looked back at Fabio and called out.

"Make sure to top up your sunscreen or you'll burn."

Fabio hummed; Tom always had been the mum friend, which was why he made a good manager, as annoying as it could be. But he was right, the boys re-emerged a few minutes later with plates of food and beers, and Fabio's stomach rumbled. He closed his eyes, rolled onto his front and considered taking a nap. The warning went unheeded.

His eyelids were beginning to droop when the deck chair unexpectedly shifted again. Someone is sitting down. A finger prodded his cheek, once, twice. He tried to ignore them, but they were persistent, annoyingly so.

"Fuck off, Tom"

A huff. Fabio peeled his eyes open to glare, only to find himself face to face with Tony, not Tom. His heart somersaulted in his chest, and the heat of the sun seemed to ricochet up.

"Fabiooooo", Tony sang, clearly a few beers in.

Great.

Despite himself, Fabio smiled, amused by his friend's antics, his pulse beating double time.

"Can you help me with my sunscreen, please?"

Fabio gulped, glanced between the bottle Tony had produced and the younger man, trying not to fixate on the sculpted abs, his sculpted pectorals, or the 'v' of his stomach with the trail of hair which led into his shorts.

"Why can't you do it yourself?" he asked, just this side of whiny.

Tony stared at him like he'd said something odd, perhaps he had, Fabio thought. It was making him feel weird, shifted slightly.

"Eh, I cannot reach my back"

Fabio considered his options. He couldn't say no without making it weird, and couldn't really say yes without going through hell and potentially still making it weird in the process.

It wasn't like he had much choice.

He sighed theatrically and gestured at Tony to turn around. At least he didn't have to look at his pretty face whilst doing it.

He squirted a dollop of sun cream on his hands, placed it carefully onto the warm, smooth skin of Tony's back, trying not to stare, for his hands to linger.

Fabio bit his lip and began to spread the scream evenly across the younger man's back. He focused on making sure to get all the areas which were usually missed, rather than thinking about who was underneath his hands. Tony's muscles shifted under his fingers, and Fabio traced the ridges of them, eyes glued to the way the rippled, pure, compact power.

He dug his fingers into the deep muscle of Tony's shoulder, accidentally putting more pressure through each digit than he meant to. It made Tony shift, whisper-quiet noises falling from his mouth, a bitten-off moan when Fabio grazed the planes between his shoulder and neck.

"Fuck, you're good at that eh?" He said, looking over his shoulder.

Fabio's cheeks flamed red as he shifted his shorts ever so slightly, trying to ignore his growing interest in the situation. Tony leaned back into his hands.

When his shoulders were completely covered, Fabio reapplied the cream, trailed his hands down his back and sides, trying not to linger, torn between two minds, he wanted to draw it out, but the quicker it was over, the better.

He swiped a hand lower, over Tony's lower back dimples, mouth watering we he pressed a thumb into the divot. Tony exhaled loudly. There was an elastic pull of tension between them, now crackling in the air, a second before lightning strikes. Fabio gulped, gave in to temptation, let his hands stray to the waistband of Tony's shorts, briefly dipping under, running across the hot skin there.

Tony stiffened, stuttered a breath. Fabio withdrew his hands quickly, squeezed his eyes shut.

"Okay, you're done", he said, voice hoarse, too low.

Tony cleared his throat, painfully awkward. It was like a moment had been broken, the tension snapping. Fabio's pulse was pounding against his temples, his hands frozen.

"Thank you. Let me get yours, yes?" Tony asked, eyes turning back to Fabio, something in his voice. Tom's words echoed in his head, 'He likes you too'

Fabio halted, considering. He could test the theory, let Tony touch him, revel in the feeling of strong hands on his body. He could let his head fall back, groan quietly when Tony palmed his neck, always so sensitive. But the risk was too great.

"No, no, I'm okay." He muttered, pulling away from Tony's body heat, the sweat forming small streams down the side of his neck. He looked away.

"Eh, Tom said you needed a top up", Tony argued, eyes wide.

"Yes, well. Tom is lying and he is not my mother", Fabio snapped..

Tony held both hands up in surrender, shooting Fabio an odd look, confused, bordering on hurt, before he finally retreated.

Fabio closed his eyes, exhaled, already regretting his anger. He just needed a second to get over it, to enjoy the last few moments of peace before he knew the boys would harass him into food, jet skiing, and generally being childish. He tried to soothe over the hurt, the aching wound of his heart, too raw and vulnerable, and prayed he could get it together in less than five minutes.

For a moment, he allowed himself to remember the feeling of Tony's firm muscles under his hands, his lingering warmth. The sounds he made were burned into Fabio's brain - a small allowance, one he would probably regret. He desperately tried to ignore the feelings which accompanied the pure desire in his belly, swallowed them down until he felt sick to the stomach. Fabio sighed, practiced a false smile before he stood up, readying himself to join the others, stupid heartache be damned. 

By the end of the day, he had consumed enough beers to briefly forget the muddle of feelings inside him. Drunk enough to shrug off the veil of embarrassment and spend the day bent in two. Laughing so hard his stomach cramped. He ignored the worried looks from Tom, the curious glances from Tony, and tried to enjoy the time he had before he felt like his world was collapsing again.

It turned out that forgoing sun cream was a mistake. One which became more evident when he stripped off in the bathroom to shower, only to hiss through his teeth at the soreness of his back, red and sensitive under the spray of water. Fabio wrenched the temperature control down to cold, forcing himself under until he was shivering.

He winced at every rub of the towel against his skin, skin oversensitive and hot. There was a knock on his door as Fabio pulled on his boxers. Fabio shifted, hissed at the discomfort from his pulling skin, two sizes too small.

He debated for a second. It would be Tom, no doubt. He didn't really want to talk, but Tom was the most persistent bastard he knew. It had been kind of awkward over dinner, and he really just wanted to go to bed. He knew they would have to discuss this at some point.

"It's open", he called, expectantly trudging over to his bed, flopping down on his stomach, not turning to greet Tom as the door squeaked on its hinges. Fabio had claimed the room furthest away from the others on purpose, more privacy, less chance of people disturbing his moping. 

Tom walked in, inhaled sharply. Fabio glanced over his shoulder. Oh, he thought. Not Tom. Tony.

He suddenly became very conscious of the fact that he was clad only in his underwear.

"That's some burn you've got there", he said, approaching slowly, cautious as if Fabio was a wild animal. He moved so he was sitting, watching Tony come closer, a bottle of something clutched in his hands. Fabio hummed in agreement, eyes flicking over Tony's face, his body, unsure where to settle.

"Did you put sun cream on?" Tony asked. Fabio shifted, guilty.

"No"

"You fucking idiot. What's gotten into you? You've been weird all day, this whole trip actually."

There was frustration in his voice, a frown on his face.

"Nothing," Fabio replied, tearing his gaze away.

"Don't lie to me", Tony said. When he was less than a foot away, he knelt in front of Fabio, tapped his cheek. Fabio ignored it, looking down, so Tony grabbed his chin, tilted it up so they could make eye contact. Fabio averted his eyes, tried to escape the grasp. Tony sighed, releasing his chin.

Fabio fell backwards against the bed as he scrambled away, trying to put some distance between them so he could breathe. He bit his lips and winced, hard, as the sheet scratched his back.

He received a raised brow for his efforts, bafflement etched onto the younger man's feature features. Fabio held eye contact for a beat, shifting his legs restlessly. Tony observed him quietly, a steely resolve settled in his eyes, something which rang alarm bells for Fabio. Tony huffed a laugh, clearly something showed on his face. He tapped Fabio's calf.

"Come in, on your front. I have some aloe, it'll help. The burn isn't too bad... well, it won't need any more treatment than this. You are lucky. And if it still hurts, I will kiss it better." Tony said.

To Fabio's mortification, he rolled straight over at the command, barely parsing Tony's words until after, a red flush forming on his cheeks at his friend's joke. It felt almost cruel, all things considered, although Tony didn't know.

"Good", Tony muttered. Fabio barely had time to consider that, the way Tony's voice was husky, and the praise made his heart thump, before there were firm hands on his back. The coolness of aloe vera spread across his shoulders was in direct contrast to the warmth of Tony's hands, the trail of heat he left behind. Fabio snapped his eyes shut at the onslaught of sensations, bit down a whimper.

Tony was careful, meticulous. He slathered on layers of gel, digging his fingers in just right, but always gentle, oh so gentle so as to not hurt Fabio. He was putty in Tony's hands, melting into the mattress with the touch, unable to prevent the way his mind fogged.

He let out a soft moan as Tony ran a hand up the back of his neck, the other on his lower back. Fabio shoved his face into the pillows, felt the way it glowed pink in embarrassment. Even so, he let Tony keep going, kept his eyes closed and tried desperately hard not to shift his hips into the mattress. Fabio lost track of time, only roused at the loss of warm hands on his body. He whined, delirious, and clamped his mouth shut again, mortified.

Tony placed a delicate kiss on his spine, another on his shoulder. Fabio shivered, his brain stuttering to a halt.

"There we go, all better," Tony murmured, his voice gravelly.

"You did so well for me."

Fabio muffled his answering gasp into the pillow, his hips twitching of their own accord.

"Fuck"

Tony moved before Fabio could think, and then strong hands were flipping him over, careful with his back, and pulling him into a sitting position. The younger man crowded against him, almost in his lap, knees bracketing Fabio's thighs. God, Fabio thought, he was so hot. He licked his lips on impulse, relishing in the way Tony's eyes tracked the movement, addicted to the rush of desire, how it prickled his skin. 

The first press of their lips together was gentle, loving. Fabio froze for a beat, his heart racing, and all he could think was 'finally', 'finally'. Then, his brain clicked into gear, the sudden feelings rushing in like a tidal wave. He pushed into the kiss, trying to get as close as possible, allowing Tony to lick into his mouth when he gasped. Fabio didn't think he would ever be the same, not now that he knew the little panting noises that Tony made, the way his biceps flexed when he took off his t-shirt.  

Fabio moaned when Tony broke off, focusing his attention on Fabio's neck, biting marks into his skin, and leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. He let his head fall backwards, gasping up at the ceiling as Tony continued, somehow knowing all of the things to make Fabio crazy, the spot behind his ear, how he licked across his collarbone, biting just this side of too hard. Fabio threaded his hands into Tony's hair, brought their lips together again. Every second that passed felt like a dream as he sank into his friend's grasp, revelling in the way they fit together, how Tony kissed like he never wanted to breathe again. God, Fabio was screwed. 

They broke apart, both panting. Tony rested his forehead against Fabio's.

"You're such an idiot", he said.

"Hey!" Fabio scowled, way to ruin the moment. 

"How did you not know that I liked you?"

Fabio frowned, confused. 

"You didn't really make it obvious?"

'Fabio, I've been obsessed with you for years", Tony admitted, his tone amused, but honest.

"But the girlfriends..." Fabio countered.

"Nothing. None of them mattered. I flirted with you loads, I thought maybe you liked me back, but you never responded when I made a move, so I assumed you weren't interested. That it was a game to you."

"A game? What. No!"

"When did you realise?" Tony asked

"That I liked you?"

Tony laughed, shook his head. 

"No, when did you figure out that I liked you?" 

"Um, approximately two minutes ago", Fabio admitted.

Tony gaped.

"Okay, wow. And when did you work out that you liked me?" he questioned. 

"Ah, Mig... The podcast"

"Of course" 

Tony looked entertained, if slightly baffled. Fabio blushed, looked away in embarrassment. He wasn't sure what for, whether it was the amount of time it took for him to work out his feelings or just the foreign admittance of his emotions.

"No, no. It is cute. I am glad, No? Now I can do this," Tony said, before kissing Fabio again, brief and sweet. He pulled away, pressed small kisses to his cheeks, forehead, and nose until Fabio was giggling underneath him.

Tony kissed him properly then, firm and consuming, nipping Fabio's lower lip playfully as he drew back. It made something tingle in his lower belly, somewhere between affection and lust. God, he wanted this man so badly.

"Stay?" He whispered, their lips still brushing together.

Tony smiled, gently, pressed one more kiss to Fabio's cheek and replied.

"Of course, amore"

He silenced Fabio's answering giggle with his lips, playfully pushing him back against the headboard, fully seating himself in Fabio's lap and touching everywhere his hands could reach until Fabio forgot all of his troubles, thoughts consumed instead by the man in front of him.

*

The sun was bright when Fabio woke up the next morning. There was the foreign heat of another body curled around him. Tony, his head tucked into Fabio's neck, lips ghosting his skin in a way that made Fabio shiver on each exhale. The memories of last night came flooding back. Body heat, the soft sheets between them, the hazy head space he always got to when a partner knew how to look after him. The thought made his hips twitch in anticipation as he remembered how Tony easily pinned him down, both of Fabio's wrists encircled by one of Tony's hands, the other on his hip.

The room still smelled like sex.

He inhaled, tried to forget the fact that he now knew Tony was a talker in bed, constantly telling Fabio how well he was doing, how pretty he looked and telling him what to do. Fabio was officially ruined for anyone else; he would be unable to get into bed with another again without thinking about how Tony seemed to implicitly know everything Fabio wanted, the fine line between dominating and caring, being gentle but firm enough that Fabio could take a back seat.

He sighed, leant back against the Italian, tried not the disturb his sleep. 

"Tesoro, stay still for just a second. It is too early," Tony groaned, his voice hoarse with sleep, deeper than usual. Fabio truly was ruined. He shifted again, restless, and pushed his ass into Tony's crotch, enjoying the little sound the younger man made in response. 

"Sorry", Fabio whispered. 

"No, you're not. Fucking tease." Tony mumbled.

Fabio hummed in agreement, rolled over so he could face Tony. 

"You think we can go another round without anyone realising?" he asked, coquettish and coy as he batted his eyelashes at the other man. 

Tony chuckled, but his eyes were dark.

They were late for breakfast. 

They walked into the kitchen one after another; the others already sat at the table, Tom at the coffee machine, fiddling with the buttons. Fabio knew they weren't subtle, but couldn't bring himself to care, not when they all kind of knew anyway. He was well aware of the ring of bite marks encircling his throat, as well as scattered across his collarbones and chest. It turned out that Tony was quite possessive; Fabio didn't mind, had delighted in pressing his fingers to the bruises in the bathroom mirror earlier. 

Tom noticed first, his eyes widening before his face did something complicated, torn between relief and disgust, settling on something like amusement. He fist bumped Tony on his way by, pulled Fabio into a hug, grimacing at the state of his neck.

"Fucking finally", he said, releasing Fabio from his arms and knocking their shoulders together as he turned back to the stubborn appliance. 

Fabio blushed, smiled gently at Tony as the Italian leaned over from where he was grabbing two plates to brush a kiss to his lips.

Yep, Fabio thought, definitely ruined for anyone else. 

[glacierruler]

Anglerfish

Song 1 of The Magnus Musical! It's not done, I've got to find sounds to create a more dynamic song, and ideally someone else sings it. But this is how it goes:

Please tell me what you think, but don't be rude if you don't like something /gen

Also, any negative comments about my voice get immediately blocked.

Taglist: @cameforstuff @greenbunny7 @randomnerd737 @bren-the-chicken tell me if you want to be added/removed

Transcript under the read more!

Legalities: This is strictly fanwork!

Jonathan Sims:

Testing Testing 1 2 3 Testing Testing 1 2 3

My name, Jonathan Sims Recording on this dusty old thing

My job, Head Archivist For the Magnus institute in London Position received under Gertrude's leave Her mess of a system left for me to sync

Reasearch on the paranomal Investigating these Come here Submit a statement Put it in the Archive For the Archive holds everything

… [Spoken] Although it's a mess. Thankfully I have two assistants, well, 3 I guess. But Martin hardly counts, he'll only cause delays.

[Sung] They'll research and I'll insert Information on each case at the end of our time Heading through the Archive

[Spoken] Speaking of time, it's time to begin reading The statement of one Nathan Watts Given during April of 2012 Encountering something in Edinborough And here's what he says happened

{Notes: For this next bit, anything italicized is sung by Both Jonathan and Nathan. Also Time Change}

Jonathan + Nathan

Memories of the event, calling forward now It's been years, yet the mind is clear I see what happened then Can you tell me what happened when

I was studying biochemistry, I happen to be In a flat full of second years, Younger than me

Partying with a friend, drunk in a funk Walking home, late at night Only, something strange did I hear

Something asked me: "Can I have a cigarette"

I could not see whoever they -or is it he? Seemed to be. An alleyway stranger Swaying I assumed them drunk and not a danger

But then something seemed off, their face was sunken in An anglerfish, drawing me with the light of their question Yet their mouth moved none, and I wanted a closer look Shined my phone light and off it went

I researched and yet no folklore, no mention of ghosts nearbye And yet, a disappearance of a friend caught my eye

Same party, and yet he left later than I And cigarettes, my brand, in his pocket by chance.

Jonathan:

In light of this statement read I thought to be discredited and dead

Except Sasha, an assistant, looked a bit into this And found missing persons reports of six

Yet the phone of one reveals a hand Beckoning, beckoning still

Statement Ends

[hello-nichya-here]

I'd also mention there's three other big difference between Lee and Azula: Lee is not trying to copy the behavior of bullies to survive (something Zuko himself is guilty of), Lee has never been HIS bully, and he sure as hell has never tried to copy the behavior of Zuko's abusive father who then pretty much said "I wish your sibling was an only child, Zuko".

All of that (combined, like you said, with the fact that he is older now) creates some emotional distance and makes Zuko more forgiving of Lee's fuck ups.

When Azula, the sister that is just 2 years younger than him, casually says cruel things like "You'll never catch up" and is Ozai's favorite steals his knife, Zuko is going to take it as another insult, another threat, another hurtful action. It's her saying "You're not relevant enough for me to get in trouble for this." He can't see the jealousy or even the regular childish impulse to start shit.

But when this random kid that is half his age and thinks he's awesome BECAUSE the authority figure around hates his guts does the same thing? That's flattering. Of course he's not mad. Of course he doesn't take it as some kind of mindgame that he'll inevitably lose.

It's always so fascinating to me how there's a noticeable pattern in the show of things that COULD turn into huge fights between Zuko and Azula just... remaining perfectly chill if Zuko either doesn't take her teasing to heart or, in rare circumstances, actually manages to not be verbally cornered by her.

Azula is being insensitive when talking about Azulon and how someone more suited for the throne than Iroh (Ozai) should take his place? Zuko asks her how she'd feel if Lu Ten was the one wanting to get rid of their dad so his own father could benefit from it, and Azula "answers" by changing the subject back to Iroh's supposed shortcomings because she can't answer with "I would/wouldn't be okay with that" without Zuko immediately calling bullshit.

Azula tricks him into admiting he's visiting Iroh but then tells him she means no harm, even though she was being shady two seconds ago? Zuko just decides to believe her, drops the issue and they don't fight.

Azula tells him to make sure the royal painter gets "his good side"? Zuko ignores that and just asks her for help in figuring out what the hell happened between Sozin and Roku. Again, no fight, even as Azula gives him the teasing comments like "Did you pay any attention in school?"

Whenever he ignores her mindgames and taunts, their relationship is fine. If he gives her grace, like Iroh did to him whenever Zuko lost his temper, their relationship is a more mutual-help version of the dynamic he briefly had with Lee, in which he did most of the help.

Azula gives him the opportunity to go home when she's preparing to take Ba Sing Se, Zuko jumps into the frey right as Aang and Katara have her cornered. Zuko helps her out when Katara is mopping the floor with her, Azula reassures him as he's feeling guilt over turning his back on Iroh. Zuko lets Azula boss him around and even jump on him during the game at the beach, Azula makes Chan invite both of them to his party.

If Zuko gave Azula the chance to be better, helped her through her own healing journey, and Azula accepted said help, they'd be a team - which actually makes for a nice parallel with what Zuko said to Lee in the episode

"Keep in mind, these are dual swords, two halfves of a single weapon. Don't think of them as separate, 'cause they're not. They're just two different parts of the same whole."

Azula might call their Agni Kai "the showdown that was always meant to be", but there's this context subtext through the entire show that practically screams that their rivalry is not only toxic, it's unnatural, forced, something that never should have happened, a horrible mistake that needs to be corrected.

Considering Ehasz's plan for Zuko to be Azula's Iroh if the show had gone on, Zuko trying to be a protector/role model of sorts for Lee could be a little hint of the kind of role he has to try and play for Azula to make things right again, to end this imposed rivalry.

Zuko, the Knife, and Sibling Relationships in "Zuko Alone"

Zuko Alone is an episode with two different plots, one in the present and one in the past. Both plots are largely about Zuko's sibling relationships, and Zuko's knife is is a common thread through both, suggesting certain hidden parallels. In particular, the knife, and the parallels we notice if we pay close attention to it, suggest something about what Zuko's wants out of a sibling relationship.

The object of our focus

We should first briefly summarize the role the knife plays in the narratives.

Present Plot:

Lee (the little kid) sees Zuko "stand up" to the bully soldiers, "adopts" Zuko and brings him home, and projects Lee's relationship with his older brother Sensu onto Zuko. For Lee, Zuko is "an older brother."

While Zuko is sleeping, Lee steals Zuko's swords from him and plays around with them, but is holding them wrong.

Zuko finds Lee and shows him how to correctly use the swords.

Lee's father Gansu has to leave for the front, as Sensu has been captured. Zuko gives Lee his knife.

Lee challenges the soldiers with his knife, and gets imprisoned and "conscripted" for it. The soldiers take Lee's knife. Sela, Lee's mother, begs Zuko for help.

Zuko defeats the soldiers and retrieves the knife, but in doing so reveals his true identity.

Zuko tries to return the knife to Lee, but Lee rejects it.

Past Plot:

Iroh gives Zuko the knife and Azula the doll. Azula is clearly jealous of Zuko's gift and burns the doll.

Zuko is playing with the knife. Azula, still clearly jealous, criticizes Zuko's ability with it. Zuko threatens to throw the knife at her head. Azula breaks the news of Iroh's retreat to Zuko..

Azula sneaks into Zuko's room and steals the knife. Zuko finds her playing with it and angerily demands it back. Azula taunts him about it but ultimately lets him steal it back. Apparently, after that, she didn't continue to covet the knife, as it's still in Zuko's possession in canon.

As you can see, there are strong parallels between these two stories. The knife (and to some degree it's equivalent, Zuko's swords) function as a source of discord and conflict. Most of the conflict between Zuko and Azula (not all of it) in this episode is actually about the knife. In particular, we can identify a series of parallels:

The knife as a gift, passed down from someone older and "wiser." Iroh passes down the knife to Zuko and Zuko passes it down to Lee.

The swords/the knife as an object of desire, something stolen. Azula steals the knife, while Lee steals Zuko's swords, another bladed weapon.

Playing with the knife/the swords. Lee, Zuko, and Azula all do this.

The knife as a source of trouble and discord. Much of the conflict between the siblings stems from Azula's desire for the knife. Meanwhile, Lee gets the knife and immediately proceeds to use it to get into hot water.

We also can see some parallels between Azula and Lee in particular:

Lee sees Zuko as an older brother, while Zuko is Azula's older brother.

Young Azula and Lee are about the same age.

Both Lee and Azula are troublemakers: Azula throws fire at an apple on Mai's head, while Lee throws eggs at the soldiers and later threatens them with his knife.

Azula and Lee both say uncomfortable things and ask uncomfortable questions. Lee is the only person within the entire series to ask Zuko how he got his scar, for instance.

Both Lee and Azula ultimately reject the knife. Lee refuses it and Azula allows Zuko to retrieve it.

If we accept that Lee and Azula are parallel characters (not the only possible reading of the episode, but a compelling), the question that remains is why their relationship with their "older brother" Zuko so different? How and why is Zuko's behavior so different?

When Lee steals Zuko's swords, Zuko responds positively and kindly to it, and he eventually gives Lee his knife. We can almost see this as a "do-ever" of what happened with Azula. Azula was so clearly jealous of Zuko getting a knife, and so desperate for it. Zuko could have offered to share the knife with her, or even could voluntarily gifted it to her. I am not demonizing young Zuko for not doing so. He was a kid, and it's not like Azula was being particularly nice to him even before that. Yet if he had, most of the conflict between Zuko and Azula in that episode would have been defused, and the consequences would have potentially reverberated up to the present.

Perhaps we can see Zuko's treatment of Lee mostly as a do-over, as Zuko, unconsciously, making different and better decisions in a similar situation now that he's older and (perhaps?) wise. Or perhaps there is yet another piece of this puzzle. There's something true about Lee that isn't true about Azula:

Lee: I think you'd really like my brother Sensu. He used to show me stuff like this all the time.

Lee looks about Zuko and adores him, and Zuko can in turn teach Lee stuff. Perhaps this is why Zuko ultimately responds so positively to Lee. At some level, this is the sort of relationship Zuko wants to have with a younger sibling.

On the other hand, Azula will never look up to Zuko, will never adore him. She could love him with her whole heart, be the nicest sister in the world to him (which she never is in canon, be clear), even try to hand him everything he ever wanted, but she'll never look up to him. It's simply not in her nature. He'll never be able to teach or show her anything. Zuko can't have the sort of relationship he has with Lee with her.

The Zuko-Azula sibling relationship is dysfunctional for many, many reasons,* but this another reason why it is so, one that I've never seen any recognize.

*Abuse, sibling competition, generationally terrible parenting, toxic imperialist culture, toxic masculinity, Azula's sharp tongue, bad luck, etc.

[proshippers-against-censorship]

Something I noticed is that Antis accuse nudity or showing a little bit of skin of being sexual (or even pedophilic). They scream, "That's a minor" or "stop sexualizing this character!" Meanwhile, the character they're crying about is just wearing shorts or a croptop. I've often seen these types of comments on posts that have characters wearing swimsuits that show no sexual context or suggestive themes at all. Even when the character just looks younger and fully clothed, Antis will call it "jailbait" and accuse the artist of being a predator.

The fact that the first thing they immediately think is sexualization when showing skin tells me way more about them than anything else. According to their own logic, they're the ones who are "sexualizing and fetishizing" everything.

I even use nudity (and straight up naked) in some of my artwork to show the beauty in different body types and had nothing to do with erotica in any way. I've even been accused of fetishizing different body types and told to stop making those types of art.

Another instance is when Antis called my work "material used for grooming and preying on children" and "inherently pedophilic." By the way, one of the drawings they did this to was a naked woman holding her newborn baby in her arms.

It's at a point where they're telling people (who could also be victims) that their bodies are inherently sexual, but that's nothing new. I'm AFAB (Assigned female at birth) and this reminds me of how I was told to cover up my legs and shoulders in school by teachers because I would be "distracting" boys in my class.

Antis would go feral over the fact that there's a photo out there of me that has one multiple awards. It features me as an infant, sitting on the beach, butt ass naked in the tide. It's taken from behind, and in fact is a VERY common framing for a photo - or was, at the time it was taken and in the area which I had lived in. There is no intent in this image for there to be sexual allure, and I doubt anybody has used it in such a way.

Sometimes a body is just a body. A body can exist in any form, in any state. Nudity does not equal sexual. Minimal clothing does not equal sexual. People need to shake off the puritanical values they've picked up and comprehend that.

[gogandmagog]

sometimes in rilla discourse*, ken ford will start catching strays and someone will say something like, “it’s gross dude, he’s six years older than her!!!” this usually makes me go HUH because i’ve always assumed persis was older. we are, however, given no indication throughout the series, zerooo real hints of the ford’s birth order – unless we take into account that ken is especial homies with walter… although even then ken must at least still be a year-ish younger than walter (therefore a maximum of 4.5 to 5 years older than rilla), since anne was obviously expecting again at the end of HOD (around the same time that leslie and owen marry).

if persis is the oldest, this reduces the age gap between rilla and ken to a mere three years (around the same age gap between anne and gilbert).

this is on my mind in particular today, because the book club is on chapter 3 of rilla… a chapter where rilla insists ken is “ages” older than her (???).

soooo, i’m curious, and for anyone passing by;

*discourse that i have not seen HERE on tumblr… but have seen in the world of fanfiction, specifically in the comment section of (renowned and inimitable) author KWAK’s latest work, four of cups

[kiokos]

🪼⋆.ೃ࿔* Harvey, nobody knows what I see!

⋆𐙚₊˚ | featuring: charles chevalier

⋆𐙚₊˚ | setting: you just joined the french soccer club, PXG - where you met the person who would change your life forever.

⋆𐙚₊˚ | genre: moon x sun, sunshine x moonlight, stoic x confident

⋆𐙚₊˚ | A/N: guys I swear I didn’t mean to not post……………. Maybe…. btw reader is around the same age as Charles for obvious reasons.. also tell me if yall want this to become a series lol, but ts is js a short fic for now

⋆𐙚₊˚ | tags: @ihe4rtme

You took a deep breath as you entered the group bus. It had been a long day, and at this point, you just wanted to go home and sleep. You had done nothing but train all day - and it was especially embarrassing because you didn’t talk to anyone and nobody really talked to you, despite you being the new recruit. It made you a little sad, but you refused to let a couple of questionable humans from the male species ruin your day.

You made sure to ignore your teammates and chose to sit in the back of the bus, away from everyone else. It’s not like you were TRYING to be mean - you just didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. Maybe it’s just because you’re naturally introverted? You didn’t know.

With a small sigh, you plopped yourself down on one of the seats and waited for your stop. You grabbed your phone and then headphones, turned on your headphones and connected them to your phone. You took a small pause to think about what song to listen to and daydream with, and you ended up picking ‘Harvey’ by hers.

One or two minutes passed, maybe more - you couldn’t really tell, when suddenly, you felt a presence right next to you. You paused, clicking your tongue in clear annoyance before turning to whatever teammate decided to ruin your day today.

“Hey! Hi! You can’t speak french, right? Don’t mind my accent! What’s your name??” You paused. That voice sounded familiar. Too familiar. Well no shit it sounds familiar, you spent the whole day with your teammates - but there was ONE specific teammate you dreaded to speak with. Charles fucking chevalier.

He was the number one example for ‘annoying’. A little brat who couldn’t mind his own business. Sure you were younger than him by a few months, but point still stands. He’s insufferable.

“…my name is [name]. Didn’t you listen during introductions?” You snarled back. He simply smirked and giggled out a, “nuh-uh! That’s boring!” You groaned at his reply - of course he’d find it boring. “You’re boring.” You let out, mumbling it under your breath like you’re saying a ritual. “Hah?” He propped up, feigning confusion despite hearing your every word.

“I said nothing.” You lied, rolling your eyes again before looking out the window after a while, hoping he’d get the hint and leave. Which apparently wasn’t the case because he was a fucking idiot.

“Hey, hey! What are you listening to!?” He shot you a smile, or a grin? What’s the difference again…? Never mind. You turned your head to glare at him before answering his question, “… well I WAS listening to harvey by hers but now I’m listening to daylight by taylor swift.” You didn’t know why you answered him, really. It was none of his business, much less your responsibility to respond to his questions - or rather - his demands.

“Really? My favorite song is En nuit by videoclub!” He beamed back at you. You paused, not knowing why he told you that despite you having no use for this information. “..why would I need to know that?” You commented about what he had said, before he replied to your comment with a cheeky, “well, isn’t it obvious? It’s to get to know each other, silly!” He smirked, his sharp tooth poking out. You stopped, perplexed. “..if you want to know more about me, just read my info or something. I don’t get why you have to ask me directly.”

He paused, looking at you as if you were crazy. Why would he do that if he can just ask you directly? It was stupid! “Hm.. well i’m a contrarian, so no!” He beamed, and you groaned in response. Your eyes flickered from his face to the next stop, which, THANKFULLY, was yours. You stood up, eyeing him before saying, “this is my stop.” You said simply. Like a fact. And you paused when you saw Charles’s face.

He was surprised.

You looked at him for a second, before he said, “hah, really!? It’s mine too! Let’s go, let’s go!”

.

.

.

You wanted to die. Was he being sarcastic? Surely he was, right? I mean, it couldn’t be possible.. RIGHT? SURELY?? YOU NEVER SAW HIM AROUND YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

You paused, eyes wide, before going, “..are you serious? Please tell me you aren’t serious.” You said, feeling your life draining away at the sentence charles had just uttered. “Nope! Come on, come on!”

You don’t think you’ll survive this.

[fafodill]

was watching a tiktok of people talking about ways their dads would show affection growing up & one of the comments was talking about how her dad was never a really affectionate person but after she had moved out for college her younger sister told her that their dad would randomly put on her old choir concert tapes when she was gone because “the house was too quiet without her”

the girl also commented about how during these concerts her dad would kinda roll his eyes & she never knew that he even recorded her singing till she found out from her sister he would randomly play them when he missed her ❤️‍🩹

— I almost teared up because I thought this was sooo girl dad!severus coded, he loves subtly & silently but his kids definitely feel it when he does!!!!

First of all this is a really cute story. Also I agree because I have a very closed-off dad as well who would even not thank me for my gifts (rude) but be super happy about them. If I wrote him a card he would barely aknowledge it but read it again and again.

Severus Snape is a reserved person but I think, in a context where he has a family and is happy and balanced, he'd be a bit more vocal about things, especially his love for his close ones. Of course he's not going to completely change but... since he himself really enjoys praises I think he'd be willing to give that same treatment to his children (if it's warranted ofc). He'd certainly keep the drawings forever, the first words they wrote and other mementos of their personnalities and achievments. Some he'd store away and look at it from time to time by himself or with his s/o. Some he'd display in his private lab or private study.

I think that he would want to do better than his parents.

[lazilyambitious23]

I need to add this as well.

(I’ll treat this like Delano wanted/could have addressed it more but comics, especially back then didn’t allot for the space to do it and the people in charge maybe pushed back so he trusted his readers to think critically about it.)

I’m just really passionate about this stuff as someone who wants to write and wants to use gritty realism but be careful with things dealing with minors.

So my biggest issue is just how unsafe that commune is was for kids/teens.

And sure they are hippies and it’s a different way of life and we can say they didn’t know…..but I also don’t fully buy that. I think it’s an excuse. In this run we see children (Mercury) being treated with an adult lens constantly. (Her age isn’t explicitly stated either form what I remember)

Her mother does not look like a safe adult to me. If mercury was there would she have been expected to participate in that orgy? Would her mother have protected her from that or just assumed that because her daughter is an “old soul” (a convenient term used to give minors more responsibility than is developmentally appropriate) she could handle it? Was the environment that they cultivated a space where consent was respected truly? Could someone (minors) say no and not be side eyed and looked at as less enlightened or involved in the commune?

Maybe yes. Right? Maybe it would have been okay. Maybe Marj wouldn’t have let Mercury participate. We don’t know and that’s my point. That’s why I want to discuss this.

Delano went out of his way to state that the boy “couldn’t have been more than sixteen”. So he could have been younger. So I’m going to assume this was placed to make us uncomfortable and to start a conversation. That’ll be my takeaway from. Delano was a trailblazer and was attempting to try new things in comics. That’s how I’ll choose to engage with his material from now on. (Because I know my previous comments came off as just fully judgmental and honestly it lowkey was. But writers should be given the benefit of the doubt unless otherwise proven)

And as for John, would he have participated with minors present? Love his character. But I expect more from the man who is traumatized by what he saw in Newcastle (a little girl being actively groomed and hearing from her own mouth the CSA she experienced) would have hated this. But it’s not stated. I’m going to head-canon that he wouldn’t have participated.

(fml totally forgot about Newcastle and Lester. Different discussion if anyone’s interested.)

Again, maybe Delano wanted his readers to do this, think critically and discuss it. Totally valid.

It’s just something that has been making me twitchy to talk about more.

This is the last time I’ll bring up this panel. But I had to get it out!

I’m reading issue #18……I think someone said the comics were a product of their time…..

Idk im having a hard time with Delano’s run. A lot of serious topics are treated as “edgy” and not given the proper thought and respect.

This is my first time truly getting into comics, the media I’ve ingested from DC has always been their animated shows.

I know Delano’s run is like sacred but I don’t know, im having a hard time with it. Ruins the vibe for me.

[akkivee]

jeezus juto

[vaguely-concerned]

do you think ingellvar -- raised by well-meaning but largely clueless about child development academics -- probably has a decent shot at understanding taash' position better than they maybe realize

[amelikos]

Amethio taking after Gibeon's strong will and inability to ever give up.

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

fascinating revelations out of my dad's professional coaching of the whole family today

my mom scored astonishingly high on empathy and caring for a woman who seemed to find it next to impossible to express that to me

my dad has done an insane amount of work to be so warm and personable considering that his natural inclination is towards strong reserve rooted in anxiety (just like me!!)

my sister shocked - SHOCKED 🙄 - to learn that she scores almost zero in empathy AND very high on manipulation

actually shocking reveal that my sister always knew she was my mom's favorite. like I kind of assumed she was mean to both of us but apparently most of the biting comments were for me

[website-com]

recently someone on tiktok said 'hey lets comment on random thirst traps and say 'you look just like a character from x movie!' (i forgot the name, the original one had one). like as a fun joke to invent a fake movie from the 80s.

i dont need to point out the obvious comparison here (it was far less organised because it was more about pranking people than pretending the movie was real), but it turned out to be a MARKETING STRATEGY for someones album.